There are times, and there are times...
As dictated by Faranza Syns
Sometimes, I wish people could see me differently. Sometimes, I wish he could see through me, like I am transparent. Sometimes I wish he could look at me and fathom so easily what I feel. There are times I wish he doesn't have to go through a whole forest to find the center of my heart. If there weren't a forest, then maybe he wouldn't have given up. Maybe they ALL wouldn't have given up. I am complicated: I know that, because I make myself that way. I complicate the simplest of things, yet simplify the most complicated of things. There were times I push people away, when in fact, I just wanted them close. No one understood the signs. But I can't expect that from people. They aren't psychics. I know things are just beginning; life is just starting for me, but now I realise, it doesn't dull the ache or smother the pain. I kept telling my friends: "It's only high school, you know. Are you gonna marry him one day? No, right? So chill. It'll be fine."
If I had said that to myself, I'd have laughed, then bashed my face in. I wish life were as simple as how I thought back then.
It's not only one "He" I am talking about here; it's many many, multiples of them. It's just that everytime things go awry, I harden my heart more and more. There are times I wish I didn't. There are times I wish I'd harden it faster so that it won't hurt so much. To feel numb against feelings, that saves me from pain.
But I figured... it'll make life boring as hell.
I guess the best way to live is to take life as it goes. Maybe it is best that I have a whole, thick forest in my heart, in my mind and my soul. At least it weeds out the weakest of the people who dare to go through it. I know I'm lamenting, but this is truth to me. And if a person does stay on to understand me, I know they are the best for me.
Afzan: thanks for being there for me, Babe. You're the best. Don't know what I'd do without you. All the times you've seen me cry, I appreciate you understanding those tears.
Amanda: I know I've been bitchy lately, and you DO piss me off sometimes. But you stuck with me instead of turning tail and ignoring me. Imagine, I'd have been best-friend-less during standard six if you hadn't decided to spend some time with a rosy-eye-glassed, silly girl who thought romance was the next big thing. It means the world to me.
Ah God, I'm turning into a watering hole. ahahaha. I wish I would find someone who could understand me on a level so profound, it shakes me to the core. I know I'll find him one day. But for now, it's taking one step at time for me.
I'm letting go of Tom now... I guess it's best. I hope he has a good life.
On seconds thought... I wanna curse him to death. Hahaha. But no, I wish he has a happy life.
People walk into your life: however briefly they stay, they still leave small tracks that change you. No matter how small, no matter how short a time, they still change a part of you.
It's life.
-Live and let live-
If I had said that to myself, I'd have laughed, then bashed my face in. I wish life were as simple as how I thought back then.
It's not only one "He" I am talking about here; it's many many, multiples of them. It's just that everytime things go awry, I harden my heart more and more. There are times I wish I didn't. There are times I wish I'd harden it faster so that it won't hurt so much. To feel numb against feelings, that saves me from pain.
But I figured... it'll make life boring as hell.
I guess the best way to live is to take life as it goes. Maybe it is best that I have a whole, thick forest in my heart, in my mind and my soul. At least it weeds out the weakest of the people who dare to go through it. I know I'm lamenting, but this is truth to me. And if a person does stay on to understand me, I know they are the best for me.
Afzan: thanks for being there for me, Babe. You're the best. Don't know what I'd do without you. All the times you've seen me cry, I appreciate you understanding those tears.
Amanda: I know I've been bitchy lately, and you DO piss me off sometimes. But you stuck with me instead of turning tail and ignoring me. Imagine, I'd have been best-friend-less during standard six if you hadn't decided to spend some time with a rosy-eye-glassed, silly girl who thought romance was the next big thing. It means the world to me.
Ah God, I'm turning into a watering hole. ahahaha. I wish I would find someone who could understand me on a level so profound, it shakes me to the core. I know I'll find him one day. But for now, it's taking one step at time for me.
I'm letting go of Tom now... I guess it's best. I hope he has a good life.
On seconds thought... I wanna curse him to death. Hahaha. But no, I wish he has a happy life.
People walk into your life: however briefly they stay, they still leave small tracks that change you. No matter how small, no matter how short a time, they still change a part of you.
It's life.
-Live and let live-
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