October 14, 2008

Kiss Kiss Muahx!

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Okay, I have officially gone insane. Refer up there. You see that blog title? That's not me. Just my alter ego straining to get out. I don't care anymore. Screw Add Maths. It felt easy, but I guess that's because I answered all of them wrongly. Ah, screw screw screw!

Bio was quite alright. Better than I expected. Well, the questions that is. I dunno about my answers. I might just get 1 mark out of the whole paper. Okay, where's that shovel? I feel like digging a grave for myself right now. It'll be easier to bury me later on when you find me dead over my Bio paper bearing my marks.

I feel like writing a story... so.. here goes.

p/s: I want comments. Or this blog goes bye-bye. I don't care if it's daylight blackmail. I want comments. Capisce?

nyekk ;p


Kiss Kiss Muahx!

"Staring is impolite, you know."

He looked up and blinked. And continued staring. My cheek twitched as the irritation finally got to me. "Dude, you wanna stop staring now? Cuz it's freaking annoying!"

I couldn't stop the widening of my eyes as he stood up slowly, still staring. He was gaping like he just saw his dead mother come to life (pardon). And then, he looked fascinated. And horrified. I gritted my teeth. Getting people who stare was common for me. Especially when it's girls. I get that thing always. I mean, it's understandable since I'm somewhat good looking in a quirky kinda way. But not when guys are staring.

And this guy was definitely staring.

"Dude, I dunno if you're queer--"

"Are you a guy or a girl?" he asked abruptly. The shock of the question made me stutter.

"You blind or something?!" I retorted, which wasn't really an answer.

"I don't know. You tell me."

"I think I'd know my own gender."

"But I don't. So, what are you?"

"You don't know your own gender?"

"Playing dumb won't get you anywhere."

This turn of conversation is starting to wear at me. "It's plain as day that I'm a guy, dumb ass."

"Ahh..." he said. And only when he moved back did I realise how close he was.

God. Oh my God...

He looked at me thoughtfully, an amused smile quirking his lips. "You know. I'm starting to wonder if I am queer. It seems I'm attracted to you."

He gave a cheeky salute, turned and sauntered out.

My eyes stayed at the doorway.

Oh shite.

This wasn't good.

Alright, why the heck did I lie?


"It's impossible."

I looked up from the table I was bent over and stared at the male who sat --quite purposefully and strategically -- behind me. If I wasn't wrong, he was staring at my derriere.

I scowled at him, but he still stared intently, chin propped up on a palm. "It's impossible for a guy to have an a--" he stopped himself and looked up into my eyes. Alright, all of us know the word he was about to use, so it's kinda pointless for him to change the word to "butt". They are relatively the same, so I gave him a droll look.

"How can a guy have an ass like that?"

I scowled. "It's god-given. Shut up and eat your meal."

He gave a long-suffering sigh and toyed with the food on his plate. Just when I was starting to feel thankful I lied that I was a guy, he had to dash that thought from my head. He badgers like a girl. And isn't he the least daunted with the fact that he might be gay?!

"Did you have a sex change?"

I tossed the dishcloth on the counter and turned to face him. "You know what? I think you're in denial."

He grinned up at me. "Denial?"

"You said you like me, but since I'm a guy, you can't accept the fact. So now, you start making up excuses like 'oh, her ass is too--"

I paused at what I said. I said her. And my voice. My voice slipped. Then, I realised. I shouldn't have paused. At all. I could have faked a cough and pretended I was losing my voice. But when I paused and pondered on my mistake and the sudden change in my voice... oh shite.

"You said her. And your voice...So are you a girl?" He looked so eager, I felt like smashing his face.

My mind worked in a flurry. "I... meant... well," I cleared my throat. " I was thinking in your view. Since you think of me as a girl, so I--"

"I'd think a guy hates to be compared to a girl. I'd have punched my lights out if I were you."

"Well, thank your lucky stars I'm a pacifist."

"Pacifist!" he guffawed."Okay then. So that may be the reason. But what about your voice?"

"What about my voice?"

"Seriously, you should stop acting like a guy. It'll do both of us good."

I nearly gaped at his words.

"I mean, it'll be easier for me to date you and stuff. I don't really go all out against homosexuality, but I'd prefer that people don't make mountains out of anthills. You know, they'll talk when they see me with a guy. Kissing and stuff. You do know we're gonna do that, don't you?"

"You know what? I'm not putting up with this."

As I turned to leave on a huff, I swear I saw a grin on his face. Darn it! I don't really pull pranks on people. But mostly, people fell for it. There are the doubtful few, but a convincing act from me usually shakes them off, and they believe I'm a guy all over again. I don't have a sexuality complex. I'm comfortable being a girl. But it is somewhat fun when you get to dupe people.

But this guy was darned hard to dupe!

"Think about it!" he yelled over the din towards me. "By the way, you have a nice ass!"

I sputtered, and let out an exasperated sound. Will the guy ever stop?

I can't do this anymore. My chest felt like it was about to burst. Why the hell was my heart beating so hard and fast? No way. I can't actually like him, can I?

Kissing and stuff? My heart hammered double-time as the thought entered my head.

Oh-ho! Danny-girl, you've gone way over you head this time!



My eyes widened as he gripped my arm and pulled me to stand directly in front of him. Did I mention he was tall? Oh yeah, real tall. And his shoulders... I stared at his serious face staring into mine. "What?" I asked, my eyes staring into his. Okay, did I ever find his eyes annoying? If I ever did, I take it back. Why would I find green eyes annoying? They were the warmest green eyes I've ever seen... and the most serious, too.

Alright, maybe I could come to like this guy. And besides, he's very persistent.

I swear, I nearly melted into a huge puddle of goo on the floor when he bent his head and stared deep into my eyes.

"I give up. Okay. I'll accept the fact that you're a guy."

I blinked. Okay. Does that mean he's giving up?

"And you're right, I am gay."

I'm not too sure what I did, but I think I dropped my jaw then.

"I guess I approached you because you seemed so much like a girl and since I knew you were a guy... well, it's to assuage my conscience, I think. And I don't like girls."

I couldn't breathe. NO WAY. This was NOT happening. Just when I'm falling for you, then you're falling for pseudo-me? NO FREAKING WAY! And you DON'T LIKE GIRLS?! What the hell is wrong with... with.. with you?!

"So, I accept it. I'm gay. As long as you're a guy, then that's all that matters."

He bent down. NO, HE IS NOT GOING TO KISS ME, I thought. And yes, the thoughts were pretty much echoing in my head in capital letters.

"Wait," I pushed at his chest. "You don't understand."

"What? Come on, I've accepted the fact that you're a guy, and I'm gay. So what else is wrong?"


"What? You're not ready to accept that you're gay too? It's okay. I'll wait. But just let me kiss you one time, then--"

"NO, YOU CAN'T KISS ME!" I was fairly shouting in hysteria. The people in the diner who were staring quite intently at the drama unfolding in front of them kept on staring, unabashed. I sputtered, then grabbed his arm and pulled him out the back door, and into the back alley. I pushed him against the wall in hopes that I could get him in control.

"Oh," he said, as if just realising something. "You should've just said you wanted privacy." He bent down again.

"DON'T KISS ME!" I slammed my hands against his chest. He choked for a second, then held my hands on his chest.

"Ow," he complained.

"Shush-- just.. just shut up for a moment. I need to think."

He thinks he's gay. And basically he's in love with me. Okay, that's pretty straightforward so far. But let's put in my part as well. I'm not a guy, I'm a girl. And he hates girls. And I like him. A lot. But he hates girls, so it's a no-no. I can keep on pretending to be a guy, but he'll find out eventually. I do lack something a guy -- all guys -- should have, you know. And I have something else in abundance that guys should have very little of.

Oh crap.

"Hey? Done thinking?"

"Shhh!" I waved impatiently at him. He shut up obediently, for once.

"Your fingers are tapping my chest."

"Oh, wow, that's very interesting. Now shush."

So what should I do now? Tell the truth, I'll lose the chance. He hates girls. Lie, I'll get some time with him, but it'll eventually end. Disasterously. And yeah, lying to him will be like cheating him the truth.

And I was sick of lying. I couldn't do it anymore.

"Listen,..." Okay, I barely know his name.

"Devon," he offered. Ah, dang. And Devon is such a beautiful name. What a waste that he's gay.

"I'm... I've lied to you."

The smile on his face slipped. That's when my heart slipped down my chest and into my tummy as well. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath, and braved on. "I'm... not the person you think I am. I'm not a guy. I lied. I thought it would be fun to lead you on. I didn't really think you were actually gay. I... I guess... I kinda helped you find yourself." I let out a weak laugh. I can't do this. "I hate it," I said, my voice going really low and soft. "I hate the fact that I turned you fully gay. It was a stupid thing for me to do. And I already had you in my grasp... or maybe not."

I pulled away from his tensed and rigid form, then rubbed my hands self-consciously together. "I'm a girl. My name is Dannette and I'm okay with me being female. I have four brothers who act like neanderthals, so I guess that's where you found me being so masculine." I laughed again. But bitterly this time.

"The first time you stared at me.. I thought you were insane. When you asked me if I were a girl or a guy, I just thought you were a nuisance. Then, you kept on coming back. You kept on doing the one thing people don't do-- you insisted that I was girl. And kept right on flirting with me, even with the risk of me being a guy. I felt... heck,I dunno," I mumbled. "I felt nice I guess. I should've stopped the act there. Should have said I'm a girl. Because I really liked you. Then, maybe you and I could have been together."

"But now," I swallowed. "I guess it's a bit too late, huh? If I'd stopped it earlier, you would've... you know what? Forget it. I'm a girl. Full-stop. That's all I have to say.

When I looked up, there was such confusion in his eyes, I just had to look away.

"This changes things."

I nodded at what he said.

"I guess this ends here, then."

Dreadful. Utterly dreadful. I felt tears start to clog my throat, and my nose running. Oh, darn it. This always happens. I swiped madly at my nose, then nodded.

We could have had a chance, had I stopped the pretense fast. He might actually fall in love with a girl. Fall in love with me.

But I guess this is karma. I played him for a fool, now it's my turn to suffer.

"Look, Dannette," he said. "It's not the end of the world, you know. I'm actually thankful you let me find the real me. Now I understand my feelings better."

Direct translation: Thanks for showing me that I'm a true, hardcore gay.

I let out a loud sniffle and choked violently on a sob.

"So, I guess I'll see you around."

He's leaving. I pulled in a deep, shaky breath, and nodded, looking up at him. I tensed my lips to cease the trembling. I guess it worked.

"We can still be friends, you know."

"You don't like girls."

"I didn't say I couldn't use them as a friend."

My shoulders sagged. But my mind worked. I guess I can settle for being just a best friend. It's better than nothing. I like his personality. We'll be great friends.

Love doesn't really have to come through dating, no?

But I still hate it.

But it's life. It's high time that I accept it.

I nodded. He nodded. Then, he straightened up. "I guess I'll go."

And he walked away, I waved, and he nodded back at me. The warmth of his gestures had disappeared. I guess he really doesn't think of girls in an intimate kind of way. I took a deep breath and sighed, sniffling. There'll be other guys. I'm sure. I've learned my lesson. Life can't always go your way, I suppose. And you should definitely never play with people's feelings. You'll just end up crippled in the end...

I turned, smiled to myself, resigned, then opened the door to step in. As I stared in, everything felt a little bit normal again. Just like any other ordinary workday. I took a deep breath and forced a smile on my face.

Life's moving on.

"Hold it, young lady!"

I paused.

Devon was over there, smiling at me, right where I had pushed him the moment we had stepped out of the diner.

He came back?

"What?" I asked.

He threw back his head and laughed. "Ah, God, I can't stand it anymore!"

Bewildered, I stared up at him. "Are you okay? Did the fact you're gay bring too much stress on--"

"No, silly." He paused and stared down at me. "I'm not gay. Never have been. Never will be."

"But you said..." The real meaning finally sank in. "Ugh, you rotten dog! You duped me!"

He laughed, and choked again when I slammed my hands onto his chest.

"Hey! Who duped me first?"

"Yeah, like you were ever led to believe I was a guy."

"You said you were."

"But you never believed a word."

"I'm a smart guy."

My temper is never actually a beautiful thing. Bu ast he grinned down at me, I couldn't help the sudden softening in my heart.

His fingers pushed back my boyishly layered hair from the side of my face. "I couldn't stand it, you know. I wanted to see how long you were gonna hold out."

I raised my chin. "If I had continued pretending to be a guy?"

"Honey, you haven't got the extra appendage I have. And gays aren't eunuchs, you know. They'd have sex sooner or later."

My face coloured and my breath came short at his very direct phrasing. "But still--!"

"Shush. Now, tell me more about how much you love me."

I blushed deeper and pulled away. "What do you mean? I never said."

"I do believe you said something along the lines of 'I want you and I to be together, forever.'"

"I said no such thing!"

He chuckled. "Sounded like it though."

"Ooh, you rotten... male!"

He laughed. "So," he began. "Now that we've clarified that you're a girl, I'm a guy and I'm not gay, let's start over, shall we?"

I stared up at his grinning face and sighed. "Yes, I guess it's for the best." I extended my hand. "Hi, My name is Dannette Carter. And you are?"

"Not pleased. I was thinking of another way of starting over."

"Really? How?"

It was the wrong thing to say. He swooped down. I shut my eyes tight.

But instead of landing on my lips, his kiss brushed my cheek, then my forehead.

Okay, maybe it was the right thing to say.

"Better." He said. "And my name's Devon McKnight."

The kisses turned me giddy. I felt so all soft and warm outside. And let's not talk abou tmy insides because it was ten times worse. "Ooh, very english. Very proper." I couldn't help myself. I giggled.

He grinned wolfishly. "But I'm having really improper thoughts in my head."

My eyes widened, and I shrieked, turning tail, running. Laughing. Loving. Feeling alive.

Devon McKnight. We have a long ways to go yet, but I have a good feeling about this. A very good feeling.


The Best Thing
(And no, it's not The Best Damn Thing by Avril Lavigne)
Savage Garden

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry
Stuck in a maze searching for a way to
Shut down turn around feel the ground beneath me
You're so close where do you end where do I begin?
Always pushing and pulling
Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me
I'm in a daze stumbling bewildered
North of gravity head up in the stratosphere
You and I roller coaster riding love
You're the center of adrenaline
And I'm beginning to understand

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

Walk on broken glass make my way through fire
These are the things I would do for love
Farewell peace of mind kiss goodbye to reason
Up is down the impossible occurs each day
This intoxication thrills me
I only pray it doesn't kill me

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

You're the center of adrenaline
And I'm beginning to understand
You could be the best thing about me

Never want to fly
Never want to leave
Never want to say what you mean to me
Never want to run
Frightened to believe
You're the best thing about me

You could be the best thing about me
What if you're the best thing about me?

Be strong, be faithful.