When the Shoe Fits, and You Agonise Over It

When the Shoe Fits, and You Agonise Over It

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Obsession: gone.

I... surprisingly do not feel emotional. Just a tad bit... wistful, that things did not turn out as how I've planned. It's a scary feeling. Being so high at one moment. Then there, just around the bend is the sharp drop that makes you catch your breath against the pain.

No one would understand. Different circumstances. Different aches. Different pains.

There's no point in hoping. No point in expecting. No point in building castles, in the sky or on firm, solid ground, because they'll crumble. No matter where they're built.

Not about to lament. Not about to bemoan my life. Just wondering, when the lucky break will knock on my door, smiling, saying it's all going to be fine from then on.

A bit cold. A little lost. Can't find the words. Want to continue. Pointless.

Dry, plain dry. Thinking things to death. Staring at walls, face within hands.

Suffocated. Imprisoned. Can't breathe. A little cold. A bitter numbness.

The puzzle won't be solved this way. Just sitting here all day. Wondering.

God,I wish I hadn't wasted too much time on things that just weren't worth it. Things that you're never sure you'll get.

Pointless. Pointless. Pointless.

And here come the tears.

And again, and again.

Let there be tears.



The chance is gone, you stupid ho.

Sweetie-kins

Sweetie-kins

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I was bored.

Yes, I seem to be feeling a lot of that lately.

So, I decided to pester Shane.

Yes, Afzan, Yin, your Shane.

Me: Shane, sweetie~. How's the embarrassing video doing? XD

[hint: the video with three insanely, (seemingly) drunk and (suspiciously) high girls dancing to Bee Gees. Oh, the mortification.]

Shane: Good news. It's on YouTube.

*cue: jaw drop*

Me: Oii! What kind of a sweetie are you? That's it; I'm sooo haunting you in your dreams.

Shane: Kidding. Actually, I don't know what happened to it. Sorry. So, how's the hols been?

Me: Hmm, ok, I guess. I'm still agonising over my still-not-here results. You got yours? I haven't gotten mine.

Shane: What? You haven't gotten yours yet? And I thought mine was late. But mine was results for the year.

Me: I'm sooooo dead la, Shane. Miss me next year, kay? When you see me walk past, don't just ignore me. *grumble* I'll sure miss Alpha.

Shane: Awww.. dont' be sad, darlin'. It's gonna be okay. And how can I ignore you? You're Farhana. There's no way I can ignore you.

Me: Awww... you Sweetie.

Yes, ladies. Beware of Julian Shane. Innocent? He seems innocent, until he pounces like a tiger upon your unsuspecting heart.


_______________________________


This whole part below is dedicated to haranguing Tarrant.

How DARE you make me watch a video THAT SAD, TARRANT.



The End.


Yes, you're not worth wasting space for, you AS. XD haha.

_____________________________


I spent two hours adding tags for my previous posts. And OMG, I couldn't help but think...

My artworks are super.

Tsk. I can't help it. I love myself.

Haha.

Hey, you Stephanie Meyer die-hard fans out there: give me ten good reasons why I should read her book (besides the already cliched sentence of "Edward Cullen is hot!". You people use that expression to exhaustion.).

Make me swoon, make me crave.

Yes, I was talking about making me crave to read the book.

Get your mind out of the gutter.





Lusty wench? Now I'd like to hear that.
If you dare to get your balls cut off, that is.

Reality Check

Reality Check

As dictated by Faranza Syns

You know those times when you speak with someone, and you feel warm, giddy, and a tiny bit of the tingling sensation that this person you're talking to appreciates you?

And you know those times when the record scratches and you get a reality check?

Like when a person says unintentionally sweet things that aren't actually sweet at all, and then they suddenly say something that just ruins the moment?

Yeah, I hate those times, too.

Don't we all hate reality?





p/s: You. Yes, you whom I promised to post about. I'll do it later, kay? Check in after a while. ;p


You still owe me a candle-light dinner by the way.


Every nuance, it's too beautiful.

Pointless

Pointless

As dictated by Faranza Syns

This is the kind of pointless flirting me and Jordan does:



But then again, we know how Jordan is.

And yes, the last words were spoken with irritation. =_=''

Haha.


It's special. Just you and me.

"Like a Cat in Heat Stuck in A Moving Car"

"Like a Cat in Heat Stuck in A Moving Car"

As dictated by Faranza Syns

How very original.

My first post after the first hundred. I'm proud of myself, seriously. Suppose I start all over again?

I checked my first post.

It sounded so cute.

So shall I begin the next hundred with my alter ego?

The bitchy one.

Take a chance, you stupid ho.

Yeah, definitely.


Ohh, you touch my tra-la-la. Mmm, my ding ding dong.


That is SO wrong. Hahaha. Gunther's overdone accent is so cute. But the lyric is a bit... lol.

I guess my alter-ego decided not to come out now. Hmmm... I guess we'll just have to settle with plain old me. Not that anyone is reading my blog anyways.

Joy.

Amanda, let's be Beta Readers. God knows people need us. Haha.

Remember that arrangement we had? That I'd write stories and you'd edit them? And the thingy we promised about you going for editting courses whilst I'll go for creative writing classes?

Okay, what happened to them?

I guess the answer is "Gee, Farhana, you're the one who doesn't wanna go for ANYTHING."

Sorry. Haha.

___________________

*1 hour later*


I just got beat.

I think I'll kill myself now. Where's that rope?

Oh, and hey, here's a draft of my will:

Gather all my stuff, and carry out a garage sale.

My incomplete stories go to Amanda. Edit it, and publish it. I don't care if you put it under your name. As long as it gets published. Then laugh at Tarrant's face, will you, if it gets good reviews?

To everyone else, grab whatever reminds you of me best. My glasses, my so-called-porno story books, my perfume, my bedsheets (although why you would want it, I have no idea) and my "pile-of-junk".

My jewelleries are not genuine, so no point in fighting over them.

Except for the crystal bracelet, that is.

My handphone goes to my sister.

The leftovers of my "Farewell Tags" go to anyone who didn't get one. Although, I have a feeling no one cares. If no one wants them, take a picture of them, then throw them into the fire. Frame the picture, and put a caption there, "Farhana's artistic brilliance."

My SD Card goes to Amanda, because what's inside is so incriminating, I don't think you guys will wake up from the shock.

My clothes go to the homeless. I think. Ah heck, decide yourself, whoever you are.

I'm being melodramatic here; I don't have time for details.

Haha. Well, screw the will. I'm not gonna die. Well, not at my own hands, that is.

Didn't you know? I have UHU glue to piece my life back together again.

I don't need that rope, so use it to tie something else. No need for a noose.

I'm alive, so thank God. At least another human who'll blunder through life till the end.

Joy.




Time, heal it. NOW.

Bad, Bad Penny

Bad, Bad Penny

As dictated by Faranza Syns

My blog is so public now, I don't know if I can continue crying in it.

Suddenly, I'm so sick of holding on. And yes, that's a lyric from Darren Hayes.

Remember my PM when I said: When you start quoting emo songs, then you know you're in deep shit?

This is one of those ah-crap-it's-in-my-eye moments.

Sometimes I wish I could just bite off my tongue.

But that'd cause too much pain. And hey, I won't be able to say my witty lines anymore, and then who would cheer you guys up?

Well, there's always the blog, I suppose.

.....

Pardon, I'm about to have my oh-the-world-sucks moment, so ignore the gaping, black hole below.


Fuck you.

Yes, I seem to adore beginning my oh-so-emo posts with those words. Believe it or not, I'm just so sick of you. Why can't you just go poof?! It'd help me live my life with a semblance of sanity. Please, please, please go away. Fade away into the background. Whatever happened to those songs where they say "time will heal it"? Go run along and lick your wounds. And don't look back. I beseech you. It just tires me that you have to come back, again and again, as bad as the proverbial penny.

Don't call me. Ever again. It just scares me witless when you do. I don't TALK TO GUYS ON THE PHONE. I TOLD YOU TEN GAZILLION TIMES! I JUST DON'T! Even if I do, it's just to my Head of Department, and you're NOT him. And we DON'T GO LOVEY-DOVEY like YOU tried to be. Fuck you. Just fuck off. I need peace, and I can't have it with you around. Just leave me be, and we'll part ways like sane, civilized humans.

Ah fuck, why are you calling me again? I said I can't talk to you anymore. Go AWAY. Just go, PLEASE.

You're an ex. So stay where you're supposed to be: in the past. Way, way back in the past.

God, I feel like crying. Help me, please.


____________________________


Well, that was a long one. Haha.

Hmm... today's a bit draggy. And I feel real down. I don't feel like being poetic about it.

Let me put it in simple terms: I'm tired.

And heck, I'm a whole lot of pissy-energy, too.

.... Sorry. This blog is too public. I can't really say anything here. You know what? I'll just log off, and bemoan my fate somewhere else. At least it spares you guys the soreness.

But at the meantime, I want to clarify something.

I don't love Brodick anymore. Haha, why take Brodick when you can have Cam, Ethan and Philip Quinn?

"I'm just the detail man. Either of you tried to have a five minute conversation with a lawyer... well, you'd nod off from boredom, Ethan, and Cam would end up punching him. I won by default."

"Maybe." Cam grinned at him. "But you skated out of a lot of the real work by talking down the phone, writing letters, zinging off faxes. It just comes down to you being a secretary. Without the great legs and ass."

"Not only is that sexist, but I do have great legs and a terrific ass."

"Oh, yeah? Let's see 'em." He moved fast, diving and taking Phillip down onto that reputedly terrific ass.

Foolish scrambled up from his nap by the lumber and raced over to join in.

"Christ, are you crazy?" Laughter prevented Phillip from rolling free. "Get off me, you moron."

"Give me a hand here, Ethan." Cam grinned, swearing as Foolish lapped eagerly at his face. Phillip struggled half-heartedly when Cam sat on him. "Come on," he urged when Ethan merely shook his head. "When was the last time you pantsed somebody?"

"Been a while." Ethan considered as Phillip began struggling in earnest. "Maybe the last time was Junior Crawford at his bachelor party."

"Well, that's ten years ago, anyway." Cam grunted as Phillip nearly succeeded in bucking him off. "Come on, he's put on some muscle the last few months. And he's feisty."

"Maybe for old time's sake." Getting into the spirit, Ethan evaded a couple of well-aimed kicks and got a firm hold on the waistband of Phillips's jeans.

"Excuse me," was the best Sybill could manage when she walked in on an air blue with curses and the sight of Phillip being held down on the beaten-wood floor while his brothers... well, she couldn't quite tell what they were trying to do.

"Hey." Cam avoided a fist to the jaw, barely, and grinned hugely at her. "Want to give us a hand? We're just trying to get his pants off. He was bragging about his legs."

"I... hmmm."

Disclaimer: All of the above extract is not mine, but belongs to Nora Roberts, and Jove Fiction. Nora Roberts (though it's a pretty long haul that you'd ever read my blog) and anyone involved in the suing business, don't sue me, please. I have no money. The money in my bank account is not even mine, so it's kind of pointless if you want to sue me. I'm just promoting your book. See? I'm a an artless, innnocent girl with no devious designs.


Lol. Okay, I'm all good now. Phew. Quoting helps cool the anger. Wow, I never knew that. I guess that's something I should keep in mind. Next time I'll quote from some other book. Lol.

Wow. It's... *sigh*... I feel relieved really.

Anyways, I studied History today. *Wiggles eyebrows.* Surprise, surprise, Farhana actually studied during the holidays. This is a first. Definitely a first.

And I nearly finished the whole of Chapter 9. Well, that's something at least. I didn't actually throw the book out the window and scream holy murder when I finally gave up, so that's shows the condition of my sanity--pretty much, it's intact. And I did notes too. Haha, aliens must've spied me from outer space and thought I'd be a great candidate for their next brain-washing mission. But too bad, I'm only partially brainwashed. I still can't focus beyond three hours.

Oh god... I studied for three hours.

Get out the firecrackers, people! It's time to celebrate!

A toast? To my 100th post. What the hell. Even if life gets me down, I'll pick up the pieces and maybe glue them back together with a bit of UHU. It's always been that way, and it'll continue being that way.

My hundredth post.

My hundredth post.

You see? I'm not that much of a lazy ass. Haha.


I know I'm supposed to feel bad,
But me being me,
Let's just smile about it.

Bricks and Walls

Bricks and Walls

As dictated by Faranza Syns

It's rather surprising how many stories I've started, and how many I've completed.

Basically, only 10% is completed. Parting Oceans is still in my computer somewhere. And I just found an old story of mine that I was particularly fond of.

You know what? After my "Kiss Kiss Muahx!" story, I don't think I can come up with anything worth reading anymore. Kiss Kiss Muahx was just too cheeky. And I don't feel particularly cheeky these days. I feel depressed. Haha. So I came up with a story that was supposed to be sweet. In a way. Except I haven't actually completed it yet.

Haha. Life, oh life.

But I love it anyways.

Oh, maybe I'll write about my affairs after this. That'll be interesting, especially when it involves so many femme fatale's and only one ordinary Joe. Haha, okay, Marc's more of a playboy, but what the heck. I didn't even know we were in an affair until Julia asked for conformation from him.


Juls: Marc, are you having an affair with Hanna?
Marc: Yeah. Of course.
Me: *Nods* (albeit with a bit of shock)

Daniel, the arsehole, commented that Marc had really good taste. We can see he was sarcastic.

Daniel: Wah, Marc, great taste, eh? *leers at me*
Marc: Eh, shut up. At least I have someone, compared to you. What do you have?
Everyone: *LAUGH*

Yes, people, get into affairs now. It can be quite fun.

The late nights and moaning. *wink wink* Yin, you know what I mean. Haha.

And Juls, I'm sorry; I don't know if I can give you my first time. There's just so many to choose from.

Haha.

Gosh, promiscuity is in my blood.

Ah gosh, look Marc, now I'm in your list of female conquests. Since I'll be writing your book, I'll put my name as the first in the list. Haha.

I messaged Eugene the other day. I said I'll be dropping classes, but that I'll miss Alpha.

His reply:

Ah, the kisses, the flirting, the lack of morals or rest...

You know us so well, Eugene. Of course, your pals in Alpha didn't actually kiss each other, so I presume you're talking about us girls?

Haha, my lips are still a virgin's lips. Although, with all my knowledge in businesses children should not meddle in, I'm sure a lot of people doubt that I'm untainted.

HAHA.

Big whooper there.

I'm the living, breathing proof that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

Innocent? They call me "The Goddess of Corruption".

Gosh, I'm developing God-complex.

Read it and laugh.

I need to talk with someone who challlenges my ego. Just to keep my feet on the ground.

Eugene's a good candidate, I suppose. Except he doesn't seem to be willing to debate with me. =_='' We're both Celcom customers, Eugene. Each time I message you it only costs 1 cent. Gosh you're not that tight-fisted, are you?

Tarrant's a good candidate too, except he's pretty busy being a lackey. HAHA.

Stonewall me all you want, big guy. Let's see if your brickwall is as strong as you think it is. Pfffft. I have doubts.

I couldn't sleep after 6 a.m. so I stayed up and read a book. Grabbed the closest one I could. Got a book with a Welsh guy in it. =_='' His name was okay, but his second-in-command's name was a bit funny. Haha. You want that book too, Afzan? ;p I don't think you read that one yet.

No matter how much I like Welsh, I'm still in love with Brodick. Shoo, Nik, Afzan, he's mine.

Ugh, leave it up to me to fall in love with fiction.


Males have their stonewall of unity.
But do they have to go through the menarche?
NO.
And they say we're the weaker species.

Sans my Heart

Sans my Heart

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Okay. I actually wrote a whole different post before this. But hey, isn't life just fun? Mozilla Firefox here went kaput and got all crazy on me. And hey, blogger didn't save my drafts!

This is the kind of thing that contributes to obsessive compulsive behaviour and undue paranoia.

Kimmy, I wonder what you've suffered through to make you so.

Anyways...

24 Nov 08, 11:37

anonymous: YEAY! You are finally public. I like reading your blog. But don't take it in a stalker-ish kinda way. o.0" Lol, thanks for changing your mind.

Wow, whoever you are, I'm sure you're not SA, the previous stalker (haha, I just had to mention him). Because I checked your IP. Haha. But many thanks. It's nice to hear that people appreciate you once in a while. I made it private because of... well... some really insane people.

But I'm back, baby! Enjoy my blog (or me) to your utmost pleasure!

Hmmm... I actually thought of doing something worthwhile for today.

I read the dictionary.

Insane, more likely.

And for some twisted, unimaginable reason, I laughed at the word "teepee".

Don't ask why, people. The reason is too much for your delicate sensibilities.

I talked to Jordan just now. He said he's pissed at the school magazine. Because his name was missing from the lists of Achievers for PMR. So, I went and checked. The first time round, I panicked because I couldn't find MY name. But then, I turned back a page and saw my name under the 8A's section. Okay. Then, I checked for Jordan's name.

So, in a way, I can feel a smidgen of your pain, Jordan. Lol, I told him I'll yell at Erin on his behalf. He said that it was okay. Come on, Jordan, have a little faith in me. Granted, I don't usually yell, and especially not at the editor, but your predicament (or just plain bad luck) will help us get better next year.

Next year.

Oh my god, I suddenly feel sick thinking about next year. And this nausea I've been feeling all morning is definitely getting more pronounced.

Not so good.

Anyways, Yin, I uploaded the book to my FileDen account. Can you try this link? Then save a copy.

"Bad Boys Online"


Lol, it's open to not-so-innocent people only. Those of you who are innocent... believe me, you don't wanna read this.

Haha.

My Tommy sank its claws into me... until my shirt tore up. Believe me, I hate him right now.

Ah, and I just realised the cough medicine I've been given has a "Mixed Fruity Flavour." And I'm supposed to down it with a glass of water.

Uber interesting.



Your eyes they sparkled;
That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain.

Time Enough

Time Enough

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Ever notice the sounds that we make in blogs?

Like "rah!", "grrrr" and the repetitive use of the word "fuck"?

They seem to be sounds that we will never be caught dead using in real life. Ever heard me use the word "rah!" in real life? Nah, it'll sound dopey in real-life.

Ever heard me use the sound "ngeheee"? It'll sound like I'm some twisted ego-maniac with a sanity disorder.

I notice it a lot in blogs. Saw it especially in Yin's and Kimmy's so I was like... "Rah again? What does it sound like anyway?"

Not so good from my lips.

It's 8.30. Why am I awake?

I'm going back to sleep.

This is becoming too much of an obsession.



Benediction: my poison.

When Dawn Crept into the Open

When Dawn Crept into the Open

As dictated by Faranza Syns

An epiphany came to me.

Well, more of a shocking revelation.

Julia, darling, did you notice?

Tarrant is like an older version of Ian Teng.

It's suddenly scary.

And Ian doesn't seem such a harmless thing anymore.

Alter Ego

Alter Ego

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Seriously, Ashley from the Pussycat Dolls is sooo sooo cute. Haha. I swear, the PCDs are so quirky, it's so entertaining to watch.


Ashley's comical reaction:

It was FUNNY.

Lol, watch the video. Ashley's reaction should be looped. And that's Robin Antin's co-choreographer, Mikey Minden, who's falling down onto the floor. (Robin Antin, Pussycat Dolls, Creator) What the hell. All of them were so funny.


I love the Pussycat Dolls. And despite the Kissing Fiasco, I love Chelsea, too.

She came into the competition to be the next PCD not even knowing how to dance. But she made it through. She was in the final three. And the changes... it was just, amazing.

And by the way, Chelsea is one of the girls who sang W.O.W in my playlist. The one that has the strongest voice, that's her. I love to hear her sing.

Amazing.