August 30, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

From Dodo's (a.k.a my I-don't-know-what-number husband):

My wife and I have just discovered we are both cheating on each other with a pair of Olympian, earth-splitting, mind-blowing Adonises.

And now we're competing in a sex war.

Yes, this is the month of Ramadan. Yes, we're fasting.

This is, by far, the most entertaining relationship I've had so far. She has, after all, been humping old, disgustingly rich perverts for top-up money to text me, and I've been cheating on her, and she's been cheating on me.

Hey, I've finally found someone worthy of my promiscuity.

Would you still respect me if you get it?


August 27, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

At 11.40 p.m.

Handphone rings.

Me: *answers* Hello?

H: Sorry, I wasn't online.

Me: Oh? No, no it's okay.

And we talked a while.

And then, all of the sudden,

H: Oh, look. My boxers has a hole in it.

Me: ... And you are telling me this, why?

H: Just telling you since I just realised it m'self.

Me: Let's make this conversation more interesting and I'll ask, "Where's the hole?"

H: ... Oh, I dunno.

And we talked again, of anything but his boxers.

And again,

H: *places receiver away from mouth, shouting to his sister* Wait a second-- I'm naked!

Me: *chokes* You're naked?!

H: It's partially true.

Me: You called me while you're NAKED?

H: ... Well...

I guess that was payback for all the times I told him "Oh, wait a second. Lemme put some clothes on."

Touche, babe.


The best thing about older brothers?

They bribe you. A lot.


"Do my chores for me, please. I beg you."

"Shh, don't tell anyone about this."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it."

"Farhana, do you want to earn RM 10 top up for Celcom?"

Which idiot would decline that offer?

Suppose there's no tomorrow;
You'll still not look my way.


August 24, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

It's disturbing when the one person you love the most, above your own real-life crush, is a fantasy-man.

It's also painfully pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

And I stood at the bottom of the steps,
Wondering how it went awfully wrong.


August 20, 2009

Not As Good As Before.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Ken's starting to get all playful on me. And frankly, I think it's freaking me out.

And he's acting nice. Nice is not the word I would ever relate to Ken since that day when I acted coldly towards him. He gave as good as he got, I'll say.

This morning

Ken: Hey, Farhana. [sits on chair beside me, smiling]

Me: [stifles yawn] Hey.

Ken: So, is your internet still down?

Me: No. It's already back on. Why?

Ken: [leans forward, abashed. Get's off chair, grinning] My internet's down now.

Me: Haha!

The scenario was a bit too ... weird, but I put it behind me.

During recess, I went up to the second floor before the recess bell rang. Ken, ever the diligent prefect, spotted me, and came swooping.

Ken: Farhana, stop.

Me: [keeps walking]

Ken: Farhana, you will NOT step over that line.

Me: [steps over line]

Ken: [grabs arm] Farhana, go back.

Me: No.

Ken: [grabs shoulders, shoves] Farhana, you are a senior prefect.

Me: What? [bewildered look]

Ken: [shoves] you must leave the corridor.

Me: [spots a normal student walking down corridor] Look!

Ken: No, I don't care, Farhana, you need to get out. [pushes]

Me: Has it occurred to you that you're not supposed to even touch me? Physical contact is against the rules, you know. [fights against shoving]

Ken: [ignores threat. Spins me around, shoves me]


School Bell: Eh, prick, leave her alone [bell rings]

He touched me everywhere. I should sue him and send him to the cleaners for that. The point is, he seemed really happy doing what he did. Like he enjoyed manhandling me. I suppose that's his way of teasing me. Alright, I admit, I was laughing most of the time, indignant at other times. What could I do? I just don't like guys wrapping their arms around me to push me out of the corridor. (To hug me would've been more feasible.)

Then, we had Biology. Directly before going up, Eugene told me that he won't be in school tomorrow, so could I please get his Koko book for him from Ken and pass it on to Kessler?

So, when I went up, I saw Ken walking out of the lab. I called him over, and asked him to pass Euge's book to me tomorrow. Naturally, I forgot that Ken was the Secretary for the Fencing Club, and I was supposed to hand my book to him as well.

Ken: [strict, no-nonsense face] What book?

Me: Euge's Koko book.

Ken: Where's your book?

Me: I didn't bring it today.

Ken: Why didn't you bring it?

Me: ... Because I forgot? [smiles winningly]

Ken: [doesn't budge] I need your book.

Me: [smiles sweetly] Tomorrow then.

Ken: What are you smiling for?

At this point, he couldn't help smiling as well, and he was stifling laughter. Mad at him for trying to scare me, I slapped him.

Okay, I just slapped his shoulder. And I was laughing.

I suppose, in a very subtle way, he was trying to get back at me for all those times that I adopted my "hard-headed, hard-nosed, no-bullshit-or-I'll-beat-you-up" persona as his HOD.

Pffft, boy. I might be retiring, but I'm not entirely that old of a geezer for you to push over.

I wonder if I was this obnoxious with Zi Kang. But then again, if I were, he wouldn't have been my fake Romeo now, would he?

Oh, and Jordan's still haranguing me to go to prom.

No way.


Me: [stares off into the distance]

Marc: [sits at chair close-by]

Me: [sigh]

Marc: Why? What's up?

Me: Just reminiscing.

Marc: About?

Me: Past relationships. Nothing.

I don't remember what else he said. But I remembered that they were thoughtful nothings that made me smile.

He's Hanamitchi's Playboy after all.


Me: Chi Hoe, are you going to prom?

CH: Yeah!

Me: Who're you going with?

CH: Going alone.

Me: Eh, but why?

CH: Easier to get girls there.

Me: But they'll come with dates.

Mei Yin: Their dates will beat you up.

CH: Eh, I'm the head of the Judo Club, okay? I'm strong.

Me:Haha, oh, I forgot.

Someone: Hey, what're you guys talking about?

CH: Horny stuff.

Of course, I knew he was referring to me.

CH: What should I wear? [leans down on table]

Me: A tux. With a bowtie! Just kidding. I don't really like it. Haha.

Mei Yin: Just wear shirt and tie, la.

Me: And a suit, of course.

Mei Yin: Wear a red tie.

CH: But I don't have a red tie.

Me and MY: BUY LA.

Someone: Eh, what's this, what's this?

CH: Horny stuff.

I now know that Chi Hoe has put it in his head that he is morally obligated to inform everyone on earth that all I talk about is 'horny stuff'.

In BM class:

Someone: Teacher, what's pekung?

Pn Siti Marani: Pekung is something smelly.

CH: Wah, Farhana, your mouth very smelly, lah, like pekung. Talk about horny stuff.

Me: ... Hey. It's wangi, okay. You wanna kiss it to find out?

In class:

CH: [walks by my table] Hey, Horny!

Me: ... If you call me Horny one more time, I will call you a perv.

CH: I'm not a perv, Horny!


I wonder if the teachers outside heard me. And I wonder if any of them know even half of what "sweet, good, kind, shy and quiet" Farhana talks about most of the time.

God forbid. They'd get epileptic seizures.

I wonder if you see me,
Beyond your looking-glass,
And if our memories,
Are as blurry as I see it?


August 19, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

Sweet nothings do nothing to mollify,

Many words come to mind, but insignificant, they remain unspoken,

You stupid fool, look at what you've done.

A Caravaggio masterpiece of rebellion,

Decorum forgotten.

I need less sleep and more sanity.

Greet me back with open arms, World.

Make my body quicken,
Bernini, have faith.


August 5, 2009

My new baby-boos.

As dictated by Faranza Syns


My Milk Toof.

I wish I owned them, but they're from Inhae's sparkle of genius.

Many thanks to Kay for introducing. It's the only thing that got me out of my funk.

Here's to the many milk teeth we've loved, lost and mourned.

Say, when did I lose my last milk tooth?

And she goes on about you,
I smile and nod, but hey, I knew you.


Full Stop.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I was watching Shakira's Hips Don't Lie music video.

Then, I recalled when they aired it on TV. I was in the living room with quite a lot of people, but only me and my uncle, The Accountant, were focusing on the TV. Then, Shakira started dancing her heart-stopping-mouth-drooling dance. I watched, entranced.

After a while, my uncle, The Accountant, picked up the remote controller, and flicked on to a new channel, just as Shakira was rubbing her super sexy legs sensuously against each other.

One wonders why he did that: dancing's too boring for him, or he's worried his little niece is gonna be corrupted.

I vote for the latter. But it was a little too late of course.

I think I'll go get some caffeine. Maybe just a little tea. I'm a softy after all. A healthy softy.

Green tea it is.

La Fidel,
You lied.


Cloud Number 2

As dictated by Faranza Syns

It's a little too loud, and a little too annoying.

I've reached my zenith. Ah well, it's time to come down.

Starting with resuming those hip hop classes.

Bleargh. And I say this heartily. Bleargh. And I say this with a smile.

At least I got my new pumps.

It's one of those days.

When you realise your limits.

And it's on cloud number two.

I control you in your sleep,
But awake is another matter.


Convincing Natalie Lim.

As dictated by Faranza Syns


Nat: Hana, this is absurd. You're not going to prom just because of those few reasons?!

Faranza: Weeeeeeeeell...

Nat: Spill the beans.

Faranza: It just feels too much like a scene that reeks vanity.

Nat: Reeks vanity?!

Faranza: What's the point of prom, really? It's so that you can show off that eye-candy on your arm. Why not a normal party instead? A going-away party for the Fifth Formers only.

Nat: Don't you use your debate skills on me.

Faranza: Haha. I can't help it. Anyways, why prom? It's so stereotypical. Why follow the west and do prom?

Nat: Why not?

Faranza: I'm sure we can think to be a bit more original. Okay, would you REALLY be comfortable enough to enjoy the night with those strangers (SJI) around acting like monkeys?

Nat: Hmm. True. I guess I wouldn't. BUT, who cares about them?

Faranza: That's what you say now.

Nat: Just ignore em.

Faranza: Ignoring them won't make them go away. They'll still be there invading the space. I'd really love to chase you guys around the dancefloor and maybe pants (pull down the pants of) some people. I don't think I can do that with SJI people there. If it were just us all, it would be embarrassing in an "I can laugh it away later" kind of way. If SJI's there... well... and WHY PROM? WHY CALL IT PROM? geez.

Nat: I dunnooo, Hana. Now you're making me think twice.

Faranza: Glad I am. But, hun, if you're going, and you already have a date, don't let me sway you.

Nat: You already did.

Faranza: Just go there and enjoy. I've been brought up differently, so there're reasons why I think the way I do.

Nat: ... I just realised SJI people are gonna be there! Haha~!

Faranza: Haha, I think people are all imagining prom as something of a private party between SBU and SJI. Do they realise that the SJI guys will be bringing dates too? Then it's gonna be a bigger number of strangers.

Nat: Yeah. And the guys'll be acting like monkeys too... I don't like the idea of that. I want it to only be us. Just us.

Did anyone realise this at all?


As dictated by Faranza Syns

From Chi's Little Mad Forgotten Polaroids:

On Monday, I got an award for writing some story I fail to recall (I recall every single detail, but that's my universal answer to deflect awkwardness and long silences so deal with it).
The thing is, I got Number 2.
Guess who got the One?
A sex maniac, I tell you.
(Yeah, it's Mr. J)

First reaction: *HORRIFIED GASP*

Bleargh, that prick won?

Okay, fine, so I had a complete change of heart, but so what? I'm a loose cannon. And it's not like Mr. Prissy-Perv-Joshua actually endeared himself to me. (think unanswered text messages and snobbish nose-in-air attitude.) Puh-lease, Mr J. You're not the only man on earth I can drool over.

Now, Jason, ... that is a prime specimen of manhood, I tell you. Joshua, you can shove your brilliance up a hole where the sun doesn't shine.

Say, how come most of the brilliant men in my life always have the names that start with the letter J? Good God, it's a bloody curse.


Mr J, I'm so over you.

Stoic men are hot,
But you're still hotter.


August 4, 2009

Sooner or Later

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Can I delete everything,
And move on?

.it's a trick question.


August 3, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

Someone was showing off yesterday night.


Yes, none other than out beloved Yin.

Why the sudden showing-off?

Her new Dell laptop.

And bleargh, it had awesome features.

Yin: Hana, you there?

Me: Yeap.

Yin: Did I mention I bought a new laptop?

Me: Woww.

Yin: My desktop died. HAHAHA JUST WANNA BRAG.

Me: Hahaha.

Yin: If you don't mind, I wanna try out the webcam. You mind?

Me: No, course not. Just make sure you don't suddenly strip in front of the webcam. There're minors present.

Aaaaand this is what we got

Mind, the effects were from the laptop itself. It followed Yin's face and all. Grool.

Then, Yin being Yin, she tried to catch the cupid.

Then, on her usual high...

Yin: Should I strip? HAHAHAHA


Yin: [begins unzipping clothes]


Yin couldn't help herself.

Then, she started shaking the laptop.

Yin: earthquake.

Me: Hahaha.

Is it any wonder why we all fell in love with her when we were small?

Say, you look like someone I know, Yin. G'damn, you are HOT.

Let's savour this,
And maybe kill each other after.


August 2, 2009


As dictated by Faranza Syns

I've got a slight fever. Yes, that's good news, I suppose, considering that H1N1 constitutes of a high fever. Mine was only 38.1 degrees. It should be fine.

And I've got a slight tightness of chest. As in "Bloody hell, why's it so hard to breathe here?!" sort of thing. Funny thing is, when I saw the doctor yesterday, he diagnosed that I didn't have any difficulty in breathing. Well, tell that to my lungs, doc. Thank god, it's not a chest cold, again.

Anyways, I've been coughing and sneezing. My nose is running, and so on.

I suppose it's a false alarm. Just my brain being so scared that it convinced my body to show symptoms of H1N1. Bleargh, too bad you can't make my temp spike.

Either ways, that aside, the doctor told me to go to a General Hospital to do a throat swap. Just to clear our conscience, says he. I've got bacterial infection on my tonsils.

Doc: Open your mouth.

Me: [opens mouth]

Doc: [looks in with help of flashlight] Whooo... [looks at Mom] Come take a look.

Mom: [moves closer to look] But doctor, she's always had swollen tonsils.

Me: [rolls eyes with mouth still hanging open]

I've had scores of doctors going "whoooo" at my tonsils.

Doc: [writes something into my med record] She should get her tonsils cut off.

Me: [cringe]

Granted, tonsils aren't that very important. Lots of people have lived without it. But ... I rarely get infections lately. Bleargh. Mind, a year ago, we got a referral letter from one of the doctors, telling me to see an ENT specialist (who is thankfully, my cousin). But we never got around to seeing her. And that referral letter is buried somewhere in my mom's old handbags.

If I have to get my tonsils cut off... I will murder someone.

But then again, I saw that one of the things that they serve people who went through tonsillectomy was ice cream.

Okay, maybe it won't be that bad.

Mind, I want raspberry ice cream. Can someone tell that to my mom in the event that I have to go through the operation?

Bleargh, I hate paranoid posts. I hate operations.

But then again, I wanna stay at Prince Court Hotel Hospital.

Decisions, decisions.

Anyways, I'm back to bed. Groggy as hell.

Note to self: Don't sleep with pillow. It blocks the airway.

Lousy one week.
Can't I talk to you at all?