September 30, 2008

Come Sunday...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I most probably won't be blogging till Sunday. Wanna guess the reason? No need, because logically, everyone knows the answer. =_=''...

I haven't packed my bags, haven't cleaned my room, haven't ironed my clothes.. @_@... why do I feel so busy all of the sudden? haha.

I'm in pain right now. And if I didn't know better, I'd say I ripped a muscle. So, yeah, I won't say I ripped a muscle. More like I pulled it. =_=''.. my brother was doing some washing in the laundry room just now. And the laundry room is right beside this computer room. Him, being the slug that he is, was messy about it. Water was everywhere. And, lucky me, I didn't notice the water on the floor when I was traipsing out of the computer room.

Yup, you guessed it. I slipped. In fact, if I hadn't had good reflexes, I'd have done a split right then. And since I had such great reflexes, I gripped the muscles on my pelvis. =_='' are there muscles there? God knows. But now, because of that slip, my pelvis hurts like mad whenever I walk. Brilliant, no? Haha.

But I guess I can't stay mad at him for long. o_O... he looks like he's suffering. Is he THAT tired?

Anyways, I'd best get a move on. ;p Had better get ready now, or I'm gonna wake up at 4 in the morning packing my bags.

McDonald's for dinner.
Slurpee is a no-go.
End of the month,
We're winners.


Editor, Oh Editor

As dictated by Faranza Syns

My heart and soul; my half of the moon.

On national standards, my english is considered "less than mediocre". Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not the WordsMaster.



I have just got a brilliant idea on a story. Alas, I can't actually pursue that endeavour, since I haven't even finished Parting Oceans, and Soverna Grounds. Mirricae is only half-way typed and I can't seem to envision it being complete any time soon.

The title is "Half of The Moon". Catchy? Maybe not, but I laid out the plot to Amanda, and she said it was quite interesting. She wanted to read it too -- very shocking considering that she seemed to think everything I write is boring and typical.

Yay! ^_^

It's purely fantasy, and has a tinge of myth, although it's not the myths we've ever heard before. The rating is PG-13 (sorry to disappoint Amanda XD), but it is hilarious. The guy is, to put it in plain terms, addicted to copulating. Laugh now, Yin; I know you understand. Whenever the male sees a girl, he starts wanting to do "it". Which is rather frustrating for him since he can't control himself. Actually, I'm changing this part. Instead of wanting to do "it", he falls into a silly stupor of love whenever he encounters a female. He goes all romantic and trails the girl everywhere--which would have pleased the girl if he would just fall in love with her long enough. But no, whenever he saw another female, he fell in love all over again. It was an embarrassing thing since he even spoke words of love to women twice his age. Or triple. Or maybe... well, you get what I mean.

This version is tamer, but more silly, no?

And so, to prevent himself from falling in love with anything and everything, he grudgingly sought help from his parents who, quite humorously cried with joy when their son finally admitted he needed help. Thus, they gave him directions to meet an Apothecary.

It was a far journey, so instead of looking for that apothecary in particular, he tried the ones closer to home. None managed to concoct anything that could even help him; he even fell in love with half of them.

Finally annoyed at her brother's pig-headedness, the hero's sister kicked her brother and ordered him to see the Apothecary-- THE Apothecary.

So, the hero went in search of the apothecary who lived "hidden". He was told by his parents that the Apothecary could make a brew so powerful, it would cure him. The other apothecaries couldn't without the risk of killing him in the process.

The Apothecary on the other hand, was powerful but "cursed to seclusion". Her house is hidden and she loved it that way. But whenever she walks out of her house, the moon never shines.

When the hero finally managed to persuade her to help him, she stated her stipulations. They were simple, but perplexing:

"I will give you a potion; but in return, you will have to let me see the moon for one whole night. If you fail to pay me in this form, you will have to go away, and forget of my existance completely."

Half of the Moon? Get the flow? ;p

But anyway, I'm still forming the story. I kinda gave Amanda the prologue of it. This one's just the draft, so it's not that interesting. But I'd really love some response to this.

=_=''... somehow I doubt I'll get any. But that's just me being pessimistic.


Baedon: I can't give you the moon, but I can give you my heart.
Caelynn: I don't need your heart.
Baedon: But I need to give it to you. It doesn't belong to me anymore.

A.N: These are all mine. ;p I'd appreciate it if you didn't copy the ideas. Plagiarism just shows you've no backbone.

Out of my heart, into your head.


September 29, 2008

Love's Sucky; Love's Not

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Afzan, I love you so, so much. Thanks for being there, babe.

Seriously, I feel like going into seclusion. I feel so out of my element right now. I feel like I can't communicate with anyone properly. Misunderstood? That doesn't even begin to explain it. I don't feel like going out. Not even for a second. For the first time, I didn't actually care how I looked like when going out. Went to my Grandma's house for our weekly reunion.

When it was time for breaking our fast, I just grabbed a cup of barley cordial, then sat down, on a sofa, far away from everyone else. I sat there, feeling in the blue, depressed, and suffocated for some reason. I just feel like I needed to get away. I had my MP3 Player on with the earphones glued to my ear (where else would it be glued to?). Then, Michael Buble's song Home came on.

Another summer day,
Has come and gone away,
In Paris and Rome,
But I wanna go home,
I miss you, you know.

For some insane reason, I started to feel like I was gonna cry. I was sitting there, on the sofa, looking out the window, holding back tears. I remembered someone saying once: "Home is where the heart feels most happy."

And I thought to myself. Where? I can't find where. It just made me want to cry more. I felt desperation all of the sudden. I seem to have lost my peace of mind. I'm happy here at home, but I feel... out of air. Crowded with bad feelings and dark emotions that I don't ever want to feel. So, I just stared out the window, trying to tell myself it'll all be fine; it'll all be alright.

I should have listened to my Mother. When she said don't get into relationships; you're still so young, she didn't mean to say I'm too young to get into serious stuff; she just didn't want me to get hurt. Or to be in such complex situations that it's hurting my appetite. Okay, maybe she didn't really think of my appetite then, but you get the drift.

OMG, my brother just came over and made me laugh.


Bro: *comes over, looks at comp. screen*
Me: *Closes blog window*
Bro: What the heck are you doing?
Me: I'm writing into my blog
Bro: *slaps forehead, gives me spastic look*. No use closing it you know, I can read it.
Me: *lies with a straight face* You can't; I made it private.
Bro: You disgust me. You disgust me to the core. *smiling, enjoying himself*
Me: *gives him middle finger*
Bro: You disgust me like.. like..
Me: *flash middle finger again*
Bro: *Turns around and slaps butt* That's how much you disgust me.
Me: *Sticks out tongue*
Bro: *Shakes butt* Hope this gives you inspiration for your post.

My brother, whenever it comes to being crazy, you ALWAYS inspire me.

Smile? I love you.


September 27, 2008

Bad, bad penny.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Some guy from my past popped up again into my life. And no, I don't feel happy about it. He's like a bad penny. He comes back at the most inoppurtune of moment. And voila, he comes back demanding stuff. He feels like I don't appreciate him. Then he started saying we should just break our relationship. I was like "...What relationship?".

I seriously do not understand him. I thought it was just a "fling" of sorts for him. Pretty much, I felt used. =_=''... I feel used this whole year. lol, nothing surprising.

So, we ended our "relationship". I feel no remorse at all. In with the good, out with the bad.

So out, out you go.

I'm currently chatting with the girl that makes my life hell. She doesn't realise it, but she's ruining my life. And me, I can't really say anything to her. Too nice of me, no?

Afzan likes to say this: bitch and bastard fit together. Amen. So true.

She's such a busy-body. She thinks me and another girl were just friends because we want to talk about her boyfriend. Get a life. I don't need to talk about your boyfriend to be friends with another person. You're boyfriend's not that cool anyway.

B and B fit together.

Go figure?


September 26, 2008

Strands Un-cut

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I cut my hair. With my own hands. Using my own small, teeny-tiny scissors.

o_0... I am so insane. I was in the bathroom, then I was looking at the reflection on the mirror. Then I began toying with my hair. In my head, one word echoed over and over.

"Cut. Cut. Cut."

Then I went hmmm... maybe just the fringe. And so, I dampened my hair, got into my room and grabbed a pair of scissors.

Snip. Snip snip.

Voila. Now I've got bangs all over again. =_=''... It feels uber smooth though. I wish I could sport bangs ala Pussycat Dolls. Dang, it's tough when you've got a chubby face.

There's a reason why I cut my bangs today. Of course, impulsiveness had something to do with it, too. Usually, when I cut my bangs, it'll take a while for it to settle and grow nicely so that it'll look nice. ^_^... I wanna look better by the time it's Raya!

Then, I'ma camwhore with Ames. Yupp!

Their eyes are the cameras. I'ma lovin' all the attention.


B and B fit together.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

We went to the Comp. Lab for Chemistry at school. Kim was so relieved that her hand didn't rot and shrivel off because she touched hydrochloric acid during our PEKA. Shall we have a random flashback session now?

All: *washing apparatus*
Shane: *dripping HCl out of the burette*
Me & Kim: *using the sink as well*
Me: Wash it thoroughly, ok?
Shane: *Still dripping HCl out of burette*
Kim: Ah, hydrocholric acid! It kena my hand! It kena my hand!
Me: ...Wash it off. =_= Don't panic la.
Amanda: It's just hydrochloric acid. Nothing that bad will happen.
Kim: *panicking as per usual* What will happen? Will it be ok? WILL IT BE OK?
Shane: The worst that can happen is your hand will rot and fall off tonight.
Kim: *shock!*

Yes, so we can say her worry and paranoia was well founded.


Kimmy: Our Fearless Leader.
Proof: Our retort stand was broken at one side. So were like... "Oh crap. What are we gonna do?". Then, Kimmy was gasping. "Genius idea! Genius idea!" she was exclaiming. "I know what to do! You know the other retort stand? One side was broken too, right? So let's just take both!" Yes, genius idea. The fact that she deems it "genius" by herself was hilarious by half. We were like "Are you sure it's ok?" She was like "Aiya, don't care la!" Amanda was like "What if teacher finds out we're using two retort stands?" Kim was like "Ah, don't worry, don't worry," waving our worries aside like swatting flies.

We were like o_O... whoa... Kimmy, Our Fearless Leader. XD.

She is fearless sometimes. And I just found out that she gets really hyper whenever it's chemistry. o_O... interesting?

We did a spotcheck today. And something embarrassing happened. I don't wanna talk about it. But I do want you guys to wonder about it. Haha.

I'm gonna have to start studying again soon. I know I'm gonna fail, but at least I'm gonna have to fail with style. =_=''... There goes my Eid full of camwhoring.

By the time it was the end of school, people were already greeting me, saying "Happy Raya!". I was like o_O... it's not even near yet! Lol, but after a while, I was like "thanks. Happy hols!" ^_^ I guess it's okay to wish early. It's not like we'll be seeing each other during the holidays. Or even calling each other up in the middle of the night singing "Tomorrow's RAYA!". Mel was singing Raya songs in the toilet. Seriously, and she's not even celebrating it. Jet was like wishing me and shaking my hand. Lol. But the funny thing is, towards the end, he stopped me again, and offered me his hands to shake. I was holding Afzan's plastic bag in a hand, so I was offering him one hand only. Silly me. Never thought he wanted both. He finally got irriatated, then he took the plastic bag and set it firmly on the floor. He then offered both his hand, and we "bersalam". He was surprisingly gentle, unlike the first shake. Lol. I guess that is a normal since the first time, it was a Western handshake. The second was a "muslim" handshake. =_=''..

I don't really feel in the mood to write. I'm forcing myself to write. My heart's not into it. And listeing to emo songs are not really helping.

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway.

And since I'm in emo mood all of the sudden, I wanna thank Afzan for the brilliant card. XD, although you aren't really my first affair, you're still the best. You know... *wiggles eyebrows*. You've touched me everywhere. Haha. Thanks a million, babe. One day, when I'm not so, so deep in the slums, I'll compose something better than just a measly thank you. But for now, it'll just have to do. You've always been there for me. I can cry in front of you, and not be afraid that you'll condemn me for it. When I'm in the blue, you're always there for a hug, and you move me so much, that I feel like I wanna cry all over again. When I made you upset, you just said it's alright, and you didn't tell me off. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. All I can do is say I'm sorry.

But no matter what, we'll still be together, no?

God, I hate emo songs. Yet I sing them out loud anyway.


September 23, 2008

To Hanamitchi's Dearest - Part II

As dictated by Faranza Syns

First of all...

Muahx muahx muahx.

Aja Azman, my bundle of energy.

We know how stressed you've been lately. In fact, I'm starting to feel like screaming myself. ^_^.

But know this, dear. You are like a dynamo. You're teeny-tiny (compared to me, that is =_=") but then again, you could do things that are remarkable. Of course there are things in life that don't go as planned. We're still young. We're still learning. Mistakes are understandable. Some people don't understand that we need chances to grow. But others do. All of us here, your friends, do.

So don't be too hard on yourself. You know that when you fall, you can always fall on us. We'd get cracked bones, but at least we don't get cracked bones alone.

You can just come up to us and demand a hug, or just steal it, if you don't feel like talking. You can come over and cry on our shoulder. If Afzan's shoulder is too drenched, you can use mine. If my shoulder is drenched as well, you can move on to Kye Li and so on and so forth. You'll never run out of shoulders, I promise you.

It's clear as crystal that we love you, dear.

So keep that in mind when you're down, and realise that we're always at the sidelines whenever you need help. Just call out, and we'll try our best to come to your side.

Come hell or high water, you'll always have our support.

Because you are after all, Hanamitchi's Dearest. ;p

It just takes some time. You're in the middle of the ride.


September 22, 2008

I'm About to Blow!

As dictated by Faranza Syns

For those with your mind in the gutter, get them out of there now, because I know the word "blow" brings quite an interesting meaning. =_=''....

Anyways, about that title up there, I was just re-watching PCD's MV,Buttons, and I remembered Asia, winner of the Search for the Next Doll competition. She had to sing Buttons for the qualification round as well.

She went 'I'm about to BLOWW! I don't think you KNOW!!"

I was like... o_O how big can her mouth get?

And for God's sake... stop growling into the mic, Asia. =_=''...You sound nice, sans the screeching.

Hmm... nothing super interesting happened today. Except for the Choral Speaking Performance that we pretty much flunked real bad. But hey, it was our first try. I think the stage has some unknown forces that seems to be able to make people who speak on it nervous. Super nervous.

Lol, pretty much, we forgot the last part of the script. Behind me, Yee Ming was like holding a script. Every time Laine stopped, he'd be hissing, "an unparalelled mentor!" or "from Malacca!" I was like, o_O... thanks! Lol. It was rather helpful, but that was after we showed Pn Rozita. ;p

But pretty much, I have a feeling we can be better! Yay, kudos for 4 Sc. Alpha!

Basically, right now, I'm at peace with life. I've learned that to finally let go of things is to finally accept with all your heart, and to forgive. As long as you don't do that, it'll continue eating you up inside. Then, you'll be left with an empty chasm in your being. And I really don't want to be that anymore.

So, thank you J, thank you Tom, for giving me the oppurtunity to learn that. If you guys hadn't done what you did, I wouldn't have been able to accept what happened. I am still going to be SUPER uncomfortable with you guys, but lol, I'm just saying this to make you guys feel guilty. And partially, it's truth as well. I'm sorry about things that have happened, but things are rapidly changing. I can't stop it, and neither can you guys. Things are never going to be the same again, so it's best if we accept it as it is, and live on.

That is the true meaning of strength.


September 20, 2008

Hanamitchi's Personal PlayBoy

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Yes, my dear. You are my personal playboy. haha.

And just who might "you" be?

Marc Devan, My Beloved Playboy! XD

The reasons why Hanamitchi loves her playboy:

Point 1: He makes you smile when all you want to do is shout and scream bloody murder.

Point 2: He sees when you're upset, knows when you feel alone and misunderstood. And knows how to make you feel understood once again.

Point 3: He really, really knows how to flirt.

Point 4: He told me to write a biography about him entitled "KLPlayboy".

Point 5: He's sweet, and he's adorable. (disregard his handsome-ness because it'll only make him cocky. haha)

Point 6: Just because he is himself, and no one else.

There was once, Laine seemed like she was down. Then, we were on our way down from the Bio lab. She was walking alone, and she was really quiet. Marc was walking in front. Then, he turned, and saw Laine. He waited up for her, then, talking quietly with her, he asked her if she was fine. Maybe he doesn't realise it, but simple acts of kindness like that could mean the world to people.

The other day, I was really, really upset. I couldn't even fathom why I was that tensed and hurt. So, in the end, I was walking around with a approach-me-and-I'll-kill-you aura, with not even a lick of a smile on my face. I just got back from a fruitless hunt to the bookshop, and hell yeah I was upset. So, I walked into class, and there Marc was, sitting, peachy-keen on my seat. I stomped over to my desk, and he was like "ok, ok, i'll move in a while, ok?" I wasn't even thinking of that. I was hopping mad at that time, I didn't really think of sitting. I needed to work off lots and lots of steam, and sitting down doesn't really work. And so, I just shook my head at him, and looked away, still sour-faced. Then, he said "Eh, what's wrong? Come on, la. Smile. Smile," he said, beaming cheekily at me. And if the truth is to be told, I really, really felt like smiling. No matter how upset I was really, I really nearly smiled. But I was too upset then, so I couldn't.

But he was the only one who nearly made me smile.


Me and Jules had this "affair" thing going on. Then, one day, Jules told me to tell Marc "It's over." I was like "...why?" Jules told me to just say. And to not say her name. And so, Marc came and sat in front of me.

Me: Marc, she *points at Jules* says that it's over.
Jules: *looks at me with shock*
Marc: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah
Marc: So now you and Julia are over la?
Me: Yeahh... *hesitant*
Marc: *grins* So how about you and me? *looks suggestively*
Me: *speechless* *laughs*

I told you he can flirt. ;p

Another memorable part of him is this:

Marc: Eh, are you writing a book?
Me: Yeah, Marc. Why?
Marc: Write a biography about me la.
Me: o_0... why?
Marc: Give the title "KLPlayboy". Look at the title and people will surely buy. It'll become a bestseller.
Marc: Write about all the girls in my life, la.

Part 2

Marc: Afzan, Farhana's writing a book on me. The title's KLPlayboy.
Afzan: *gives the yeah-right look*
Me: I still need the list of girls, Marc.
Marc: Ah, that I can't do. But I can give you initials though...
Me: =_=''... well, isn't that discreet of you?
Marc: Yeah la. You know... A, B, C... but wait. There's more than Z la.
Me: Haha
Marc: Ok la, then put AB, AC, AD...AZ...
Me: WTH la Marc.

Yes, that's my Beloved Playboy.

It's funny how friends can lighten your burdens, and paint your skies blue.


No Intentions

As dictated by Faranza Syns

No intention to hurt me? Well, you still did, Jamie. Not meaning to hurt doesn't justify the hurt you caused. I'm sorry to say this, and I hate adimitting it, but you hurt me more than anyone managed to before. And I thank you for that, because now, I'm only going to take this, and become stronger, and stronger. I kinda accepted you as a sister, but silly me, I forgot all about the cold, hard facts of life, the basic rule of living: don't trust strangers.

Silly me, no?

Because I let you hurt me.

I swear, I'll never let that happen again.

Betrayal is the bitter knife that plunges deep.


A Silly Fool's Masochistic Mistake

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Yes. My bad. My mistakes. Pretty much, I feel betrayed right now. I don't want to talk it over, I don't want explanations. They can shove those two things up their asses and leave me be.

I don't know why I actually went all out to comfort Jamie all those times. And I don't understand what I saw in Tom. I guess it takes someone who is standing far away to realise the dynamics of the relationship. Might as well never get into one, no?

But enough of that jaded talk. haha. Not all relationships are that tangled-up. Let's take a look at my fave couples, shall we?

Couple number 1: Kye Li & Jun Ying (bluekS!)

Their story: Heck, I wouldn't know, would I? I met Jun Ying before I knew Kye Li. Yeah, basically, that's the way it was. I think. Lol. I met Jun Ying through friendster. Mei Yin was talking about "murdering" Jun Ying. So me and Mei Yin kinda yakked about it in our comments section at Friendster. Then, as fate would have it, Jun Ying saw the comment. =_=''... and so, through quirky twists and turns of events, me and Jun Ying became pals. Pretty much, we plan to kill people. I'd get the weapons and he'd plan the get-away. But bottomline, no mission was successful (none carried out, that is XD). Then, I entered 3A. I still didn't know Kye Li and JY had something going on. Until one day I kinda groaned and moaned at JY about me having to sit beside Kye Li. Surprisingly, he backed her up. At that moment, like manna from heaven, I knew they had something on. Slow aren't I? ;p

The challenges they faced: I'd know pretty well, I think. Kye Li gets a lot of objections from a lot of people about her and Jun Ying. Also, I don't think her parents know about her and Jun Ying; but that's the last time I checked. ;p. I don't know about now. But due to some misunderstandings and short fuses, Jun Ying isn't accepted as gracefully as they both would have hoped. Nevertheless, the two stuck with each other. And I salute them for that. Heck, I love your pair! You look cute! (it takes two to tango, kye li, so I'd say without Jun Ying, the term "cute" wouldn't have been used in the first place. lol. Just kiddin ;p)

I've got you, you've got me, and damn what the world has to say.

Couple number 2: My freakin brother and his gf. (double bluekS)

Their story: I found out when he was laughing out loud reading a text on his phone. I was like "what the heck?" =_=''... Then, he obliged by letting me read the text. =_=''... the text said "Oh, your sister is that Farhana? The fat one?" People, forgive me if I say I want to kill her, but seriously, I wanted to kill her. And so, that was when I found out they were a couple. The girl is my age, and used to be my friend from Sekolah Agama. ;p. Sheesh, imagine calling her "Akak." *shudder shudder*

The challenges: =_=''... i'm still irked at the two of you, so I won't say a thing. =P. But truthfully, they've been going on for FOUR years now. You've gotta give em credit for that. haha.

I'll marry you as soon as I can. Because that's the only way to have you by my side forever.

So there you have it, the two couples in my life right now. There are others, but I've gotta go somewhere right now, so be patient guys! ;p haha.

Your Honour, I believe I have presented enough evidence to shake the opposition's stand that "Love is sucky." Because in the end, the only thing that makes the stars continue gazing down on us despite the wars, hurt, pain and hate, is love. Without that, the stars would have turned their shine away from us, and cried in vain. Thus, it is silly and foolhardy to condemn love.

I rest my case.

Maybe you didn't know, but your hurtful performance has made me stronger.


September 19, 2008

A Massage, Perhaps?

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I was looking for inspiration for this post, so I walked out of the computer room. Then, I saw my dad, massaging my mom's shoulder. It was kinda ... cute? Well, heart-warming, I'd say.

=_=''... except for the part where I remember just how agonizing being massaged by my dad really was... that's when the warm feelings dissipated a bit. But then again, it's nice knowing they have a real close relationship.

Just now, we were doing a spring cleaning. There's been lots and lots of roaches in our house. The teeny-tiny ones. And so, this is a part of the convo my parents had. =_=''...

Dad: *points at chair* Here, there're cockroaches here.

Mama: No. There're none there.

Dad: There are. Look, look.

Mama: No, there are none. =_=

Dad: Fine, we'll see.

And so, my dad grabbed a Ridsect spray, and started spraying all over the place, like a raging inferno. And voila, we could see roaches drop like rain from the heavens (pun not intended. Roaches are the least heavenly creatures on earth.) I was like, "o_0... wow, dad, that' a lot."

Dad went like, "yeah, Mama, did you hear that? A LOT."

Mama went like, "=_='... your dad's trying to prove me wrong." then she laughed.

LOL. Then, when dad was satisfied with the spring cleaning, I was finally given the duty to sweep the fallen cockroaches to one spot. Hilariously, my dad called my mom over.

Dad: Come, Mama, take a look.
Mama: Why? *comes over*
Dad: *puts on cheekily smug face* See that? See that?
Mama: *squints down*
Dad: And what did you say about there being none? *looks up at me for support*
Mama: There were none at the spot you pointed!
Dad: Let's count, shall we? One.. two.. three..
Mama: *laughs* count, then tell me *turns to walk away.
Dad: A thousand!

And we all laughed.

It's moments like these that I wish I could just touch with my hands and keep in a bottle labelled "Happy Family".

Maybe you'll never know this, but I love singing in d shower.



As dictated by Faranza Syns

Yes, they are creatures that sap the life out of you mercilessly. Right now, I have one of those in my life. And I just need to get rid of it.

So, sayonara, dear parasite of mine. Begone from my life; you've caused enough havoc in my mind. I'll forget I ever knew you. I'll forget the times we laughed, and I'll erase the tears. Because pretty much right now, I wanna move on and live. So, bon voyage. I hope you succeed in life.



September 15, 2008

Stay Right Here on the Floor

As dictated by Faranza Syns

That lyric came to me when Afzan was sitting on the floor, eating. I was like... "I just wanna stay right here on the floor...?"

She was devouring that food she was hiding under that table. She really seemed like she wanted to stay there forever.

Haha. Then, I was making an idiot of myself, repeating the same sentence over and over again, trying to make Afzan notice how brilliant I thought the irony of it was. =_=''... she didn't notice one iota. Too busy devouring.


Paula Abdul feat. Randy Jackson - Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

Today just wasn't my day,
Everyone's getting me so fed up,
I gotta find a way,
I know what can make me feel better.

Ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

Ice cream that I will never get.


Arrghh! Two weeks more to the end!


I seriously did not want to update today, but i thought "Hey, if you don't want to update, then 'don't update' with style." =_=''... get me? If you don't, re-read that sentence over and over. It'll eventually come to you.

I heard the four best words of my life (currently) today.

I like Hanna's blog.


Okay, Kye Li might not have said it in that way, but still, the essence of the sentence remains the same.

Well, at least what I write is being appreciated. Oh, I feel so passionately-driven (okay people, i know there's a double entendre there, but get your mind out of the gutter) to write now.

But I seriously do not know what to write today.

Oh wait. I am writing, aren't I?

I seriously need some sleep. =_=

Ustazah called me out today for skipping Agama class. I'm sorry I did it. It was just on the spur of the moment. But think clearly, my dear teacher. Isn't there a reason why I'm skipping your class in particular? Why don't you think on that while I think on my skipping classes. We both need some soul-searching. (har-har)

I won't be updating any time soon anymore. =_=''... rules at home. I can't blog on weekdays anymore.

I always get the simple joys of life taken away from me.


September 13, 2008

Good Mornin, Little Miss Drama-Queen.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Ok. This is a huge confession I'm about to make. And it's very very very horrible. Ready?Yeah, OK.

Got it?

You didn't?

Lol, of course you won't; I didn't write anythin. XD

Pretty much, I'm never gonna confess anything online. Hahaha. XD

You know the best confessional on earth?

The Ladies' Room.

Really. It's true. Wanna get a girl to confess stuff, just follow her to the loo. And yeah, if you want to hear stuff you DON'T want to hear, go to the loo. If you want to see girls make a fool of themselves, go to the loo; you'll see a lot of proof on the loo walls (I'd say this is only credible in Malaysia, especially our school).

The Golden Rule of The Loo: Never go to the loo alone.

It's acknowledged worldwide. Have you ever seen a girl who goes to the loo without saying "I'm gonna go to the toilet/loo/ladies'."? That sentence is like a universal message understood by all Womendom. It's like a beacon for lost souls in the night. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but I've made my point.

Pretty much, the loo is where you get to bitch about everyone else. *hands up in surrender* not that I bitch about you guys or stuff; it's just what I hear when I'm in one of the stalls, following nature's demands, minding my own business, then, I'd hear some discriminating comment, that I can't help but start singing aloud in my cubicle to make the people out there know that I was present.

You forget about everything else in the loo; most importantly the fact that there are many other people around you that can listen to what you say.

So, moral of the story: Please don't shout "That bitch, *******!!" in the loo. It gets kinda distracting when I'm trying to perform a bodily function. =_=''

Prince Charming? You've got the charm of an earthworm. Sucker.


September 12, 2008

Flyaway, Love

As dictated by Faranza Syns

To the calm depths of your soul, I whisper,
Your answers remain clear, to the core of my heart,
That is truth, blame it on fate,
Flyaway, love,
And flutter back here, in my arms
In my heart you'll remain,
In my soul you'll stay,

To the guy who sang the song to me
Years ago
I've forgotten you
But no more
You are silly
You are hilarious
And you'll always be here in my heart
No, just plain old you.
Besides, I love cheesy.
Thanks for the Memories.


Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of a ride,
Everything, everything, will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright, alright.

Disclaimer: The above lyrics does not belong to me, will never belong to me, and even if I wish so, so badly that it were mine, the owner's not gonna have an epiphany one day and say "Oh, I think I'll hand this lyric over to Farhana and make it hers exclusively!" Get what I mean? Thought you would. And please do not sue me for using it for this post. I'm poor. I've nothing in my bank account. Period. So it's pointless suing me. Period.

I just like those lyrics. It seems to get me up when I feel down. And of course, Afzan, Aja, and everyone else. They get me up when I feel down too. Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it. Although Julia only regards me as an affair (ouch, Jules!) I still appreciate her nonetheless. Nevermind. If she's cheating on me, I'll cheat on her with the person she's cheating on me with. @_@ confused? Lol, don't be.

Yin, I'll see you tonight *wink wink*.

There's nothing collossal at school today. Ah, except that time when me and Mei Yin were walking down to the junction. OMG, it was so funny. We were talking with Xin Huei outside of school. Then suddenly Mei Yin said "Eh, that guy's cute."

Me and Xin Huei: Where, where?!

Mei Yin: There, the one in the PJ clothes.

Me: Oh ceh...

Xin Huei: WHICH ONE?!

Seriously, the guy was two years younger. And I kinda know him. Sorta. He's the adorable yet handsome-ish kinda good looking. And Mei Yin fancies him XD.

And so, once we waved goodbye to Xin Huei, we walked down, talking. Then, out of the blue, the guy who Mei Yin fancied was walking towards us, from the opposite direction. I was gonna just walk on, ignoring the guy, but then, we made eye contact, and he smiled that adorable smile and said "Hi!" to me. I was like *insert shocked look here* "Hi!"

He does that a lot to me. When he sees me, he'll say hi. I don't get why. Because I don't remember meeting him anywhere. There was once, in the beginning of the year, I think, when I was walking out of the classroom, I was walking backwards (I was looking at what the ST John members were doing at the SAC). Then, when I turned around, I saw him and from the shocked look on his face I guess I was just about to bump into him.

Then, when I least expected it, he smiled and said "hi!"

I was like, "err... hi." Smile, damnit. lol. Haha, he was acting so adorably, I couldn't help myself but feel a bit disoriented.

Did I know him somewhere? Did I see him somewhere but managed to forget him? =S... I'm getting old! I'm forgetting stuff! XD

But yeah, back to what I was talking about. When the guy waved at me, and said Hi to me only, Mei Yin was like gaping, and looking at me. "You know him?"

"Well, something like that."

"I'm so jealous!"

"Of course, Mei Yin. He waved to me only." haha. "Tsk, see, I'm so famous." XD

"Not fair!"

"Don't worry. One day, he'll see you and think 'oh, this is the girl who walks home with farhana. Maybe I'll wave to her too.'" HAHAHA.

"Not fair!!"



September 11, 2008

Title? Go to hell.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I feel like murdering someone. And it's not my brother, either.

If there were a rope somewhere... I might make use of it.

I feel so depressed right now. I don't have anyone, and I don't want anyone. This isn't the first time I felt like crying at school. Don't bother to help me guys. I don't think I'm worth saving. If you guys dislike me so much,fine. I get it. I'm a loser. I'm worthless. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. So what? Those are my feelings. I'm honest with it. I'm sorry if you got hurt because of it, but just eff off. I don't need help.

You know the worst feeling on earth? Feeling alone. Feeling so darn frustrated. Feeling melancholic, when all you want to do is actually laugh, but you just can't open your mouth and say it.

I hate myself for caring so much. I hate myself for trying too hard. Trying too hard to blend into things, when I know I'll never fit in anywhere. I'm just a black dot in a myriad of white light. I just ruin things. I'm a hanger-on. I know I butt into you guys' lives sometimes. I'm sorry. I apologise, but I couldn't help it. I'll never fit in anywhere. I'll never find a place just fitted for me.

There are reasons why I don't care. Because when I do, it starts hurting me. It's been hurting me for a long, long time. I hate caring. I just hate myself for continuously caring. I just hate it.

I'm tired. And I feel sick. I don't see how I could have pretended for so long to love life. I'm just so tired. Maybe sleep is better than living.


September 10, 2008

Death; a reprieve.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Hell no. If death were a reprieve, I'm amazed at the amount of pain it causes. In fact, if death is a reprieve, I would really love to see what life is: a masochist's playground? Perhaps.

I am sneezing. Yet suffering a serious bout of dehydration. My dad just said "Go blow your nose. How do you expect it to stop if you don't blow it?" Thanks, dad. Your wisdom never fails to guide me. =_=''...

I was seriously near to fainting at school. I've got to stop running around and give myself a firm slap when I do: I'm fasting, for God's sake, not running a marathon. Okay, I really need that tissue now. Where the hell is it when you need it? My joints are sore. Rheumatism? Wiki-ed it just now, and found out that people rearely use that term anymore. These days, things are a lot more precise and deep. Arrrghhh, I need that tissue!!!

There was a slight problem at school. Involving a letter. I'm surprised with it, but I think it's all settled now. Hopefully. Ariff's a good guy actually. This morning, when I heard about the letter, I was angry. And I said "I'm gonna murder someone." Kay said "I'm gonna murder Ariff." I didn't really agree. I suppose in my sub-conscious mind knew that it wasn't really his fault. When I admitted that it might've been my fault, he didn't actually continuously pressure me. He just said it was ok, it was his fault as well. That nearly made me fall for him. He said he was used to it. That nearly made me feel guilty as hell. Then he said it's ok, shaking his head, looking down. And I nearly fell again. And imagine, we were on the stairs. He's the son of my dad's friend. I never really cared, but now it seems to matter.

Bottom-line: He's a good guy, despite the letter.

Probates, I wish you guys the best! (it's not as if you guys can read this. haha. that's why it's safe for me to say it). If I scolded you, I did it with love-- okay, maybe not with love, but at least out of love. Bleagh, I have to stop that emotional, sentimental, sappy-to-the-core talk. And I need that tissue.

We were burning scraps of food at school for Bio today. There was lettuce (which was stubborn and did not burn up at all), bread (that we cut into the shape of Shane's heart and mercilessly burned) and Mel's orange. Great, Mel. You made me crave oranges now. And so, we set up the apparatus, maimed and mutilated Mel's orange and began burning the food scraps. The plasticine that held onto the needle melted; it was so hot. It was funny. Jia's group was burning a cookie. It burst into flames. Big, big flames.

"I'll never eat a cookie ever again," Jia joked with a straight face. Haha. Jia's way of telling a joke is seriously so hilarious. It should have a "Jia's Limited Edition" sign stamped on it.

Once we were done with our experiment (failing with every single food sample), we decided to make toast.

Guidelines to making toast in the Bio Lab:

Step 1: Get a piece of bread, a tripod stand with wire gauze and a bunsen burner.

Step 2: Place bread piece on wire gauze upon tripod stand.

Step 3: Burn it till crispy using the flame from the bunsen burner.

Step 4: Voila!

Step 5: Add some 'marmalade' on toast. (use oranges; it works miracles.)

Afzy: "I'm telling my mom to buy me a bunsen burner." =_=''

haha. We had Bio-cum-Home-Science Class. It was fun.

And yeah, I found the box of tissue.

Life is good after all. Death; it's not a reprieve. It's the time when we lose the chance to find joy in the smallest of things. When we lose time to get tough, lose the time to be sappy for no reason. And lose the time to experience these little wonders that still remain.


September 8, 2008

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I don't mean that someone bit me. Although... it might be a novel experience. =_=''

Jules, I saw the videos at Ushana's blog. It messed with my mind. I was watching with my sister sleeping beside me. OMG... guy's are GOOD. XD. I never knew Joshua could actually behave that way. Freakin' hell... he just turned my world upside down, wiped my slate of beliefs squeaky-clean. I don't even know if the sky is blue anymore. IS IT BLUE?! o_O..

That seriously messed with my mind.

I am so going to tell E Von about this. Then, it's gonna mess with her mind too. hahahaha.

Gay vids are so hot XD.. although they are pseudo-gays.

School was ok. I think. Jules demanded that we kiss. =_=''... of course I can't, Jules. I can't. Keeping my lips virgin, and all that, you know XD. Too bad yours got stolen by Yin. Nana-nana-naaana~ *sing-song* ;p

I just got the biggest lie from a guy yesterday. I seriously wanted to wring his neck if he were near. He's not putting guys in higher esteem before my eyes. He's damning them. HOW COULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH ONE WEEK OF AGONY OVER NOTHING?! I hope your guts rot. For a day. Oh ok, maybe an hour. Or two. What the hell am I saying? I hope your guts rot. Full-stop.

Told off the probates again today. =_=''... being Head of the Inaugurations Department is no easy feat. Sometimes, I feel like grabbing a hammer and whamming whatever I say into their heads; they're so thick sometimes. Except for Ken. He listens and he listens good. And of course, he's Pn. Lee's son, so I can't really wham a hammer against his head, can I? =_=''...

Asked Nafais for the letter and I admit, I did get a touch testy at his reply. "Tomorrow."

Smilingly, I said, "You've got a whole weekend to write it, and you're handing it to me tomorrow?". It seriously wasn't a question. Lol, if you people were there, you would have been quaking in your pumps.

SORRY NAFAIS! ^_^ ... it's just that you probates have to REALLY BUCK UP. Probation's just about done, and I want you guys to be the best that you can be, not a oh-we-just-joined-for-the-glitz-and-glam prefect, or worse, a if-I-join-I'll-be-able-to-break-rules prefect.

Get your goals, objectives and perspective straight, my dears, or you can kiss-ass and wave that offer to become a prefect goodbye.

*Sigh*... if only I could say it like that to the probates on a daily basis. Life would be hell of an interesting place to live.

Somehow, just now at school, Jules mentioned a gay video involving Joshua. It brought back memories of debate. I can't help but think... "hey, maybe he pitied me for being darned weak, that's why he was sorta nice to me during debate."

being the main phrase.

I like a person who dares to look me in the eyes. He did, and he didn't seem that much of a snob. So I guess he was okay. And yeah, he bounces around a lot during our debate. I seriously thought of standing up and grabbing him by the arms. "Stop being a bunny."

XD... omg... this is just so ironic. Going at it like rabbits... and Joshua... bouncing... like a rabbit... and his gay video... going at it like rabbits...

Ah, I Love My Mind!!

RATED: NC-17. Do not approach lest armed with a mind-blowing sense of humour.

Haha. But... I don't think I'll be joining debate next year. I can write the script. I'm good a scripts. But I suck to high-heaven when it involves speaking (spelt it sepaking the first time round XD). And it's quite obvious.

It's quite true: once bitten, twice shy. But I can't let that stop me. I'll try my best to be a wonderful 1st speaker. But I'm too insecure to promise anything but the best that I can give right.

I'll miss E Von as the 2nd speaker... she's leaving this year. And God knows where she'll go, whether she'll remember me, and the debate team, and the EdBoard group... oh gosh, I'm getting sappy again. I remembered when we won the first round... it was a beautiful victory. Since it was my first debate, and the 1st speaker of the Govt. (the opposing team) was (pardon me) very very bad, we won quite easily. Lol, even one of the guys (the second Govt. speaker) misheard what I said and thought I said a girl "died in her best friends" house. It was hilarious. I'll remember the times we laughed at that bit.

I'll remember the times we confided in each other, revealing the silly notions from the deep, hidden corners of our hearts. And I'll remember "The Talk" we had. I know you want a virgin husband, darlin, but that ain't gonna happen. hahahaha.

But by the end of the day, I know you'll be gone. And I know you'll always be close to my heart.

E Von, the Editor, the Debater, and the Great Friend.

I'll Miss You ,

These three words have said it all.


September 6, 2008

To Aja, Hanamitchi's dearest...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I bumped into this picture. Ring any bells, Aja?

Lots and lots of bells!

Lol, Aja. Change the picture, for God's sake! XD


There are times, and there are times...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Sometimes, I wish people could see me differently. Sometimes, I wish he could see through me, like I am transparent. Sometimes I wish he could look at me and fathom so easily what I feel. There are times I wish he doesn't have to go through a whole forest to find the center of my heart. If there weren't a forest, then maybe he wouldn't have given up. Maybe they ALL wouldn't have given up. I am complicated: I know that, because I make myself that way. I complicate the simplest of things, yet simplify the most complicated of things. There were times I push people away, when in fact, I just wanted them close. No one understood the signs. But I can't expect that from people. They aren't psychics. I know things are just beginning; life is just starting for me, but now I realise, it doesn't dull the ache or smother the pain. I kept telling my friends: "It's only high school, you know. Are you gonna marry him one day? No, right? So chill. It'll be fine."

If I had said that to myself, I'd have laughed, then bashed my face in. I wish life were as simple as how I thought back then.

It's not only one "He" I am talking about here; it's many many, multiples of them. It's just that everytime things go awry, I harden my heart more and more. There are times I wish I didn't. There are times I wish I'd harden it faster so that it won't hurt so much. To feel numb against feelings, that saves me from pain.

But I figured... it'll make life boring as hell.

I guess the best way to live is to take life as it goes. Maybe it is best that I have a whole, thick forest in my heart, in my mind and my soul. At least it weeds out the weakest of the people who dare to go through it. I know I'm lamenting, but this is truth to me. And if a person does stay on to understand me, I know they are the best for me.

Afzan: thanks for being there for me, Babe. You're the best. Don't know what I'd do without you. All the times you've seen me cry, I appreciate you understanding those tears.
Amanda: I know I've been bitchy lately, and you DO piss me off sometimes. But you stuck with me instead of turning tail and ignoring me. Imagine, I'd have been best-friend-less during standard six if you hadn't decided to spend some time with a rosy-eye-glassed, silly girl who thought romance was the next big thing. It means the world to me.

Ah God, I'm turning into a watering hole. ahahaha. I wish I would find someone who could understand me on a level so profound, it shakes me to the core. I know I'll find him one day. But for now, it's taking one step at time for me.

I'm letting go of Tom now... I guess it's best. I hope he has a good life.

On seconds thought... I wanna curse him to death. Hahaha. But no, I wish he has a happy life.

People walk into your life: however briefly they stay, they still leave small tracks that change you. No matter how small, no matter how short a time, they still change a part of you.

It's life.

-Live and let live-


September 5, 2008

To The Girl Who Is Special...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

who else? My dear Pinkaholic.

My bundle of energy



p/s: scroll down and read the post I wrote for you. "Hanamitchi muahx..."


Hanamitchi's Beloved HOD...

As dictated by Faranza Syns




Today was absolutely hilarious. Now wait... let me recollect those pieces of memories...

Ah, yes.

Me, Afzan, Amanda and Yin were like, struggling, to finish Aja's "surprise!". =_='' cutting out heart shapes wasn't that easy. haha. I would know. ^_^

"Hana, do me a favour, please," Afzan had said. "Cut this. No need to cut so nicely. But cut close la. Make it a close cut. Make it nice. But I don't want-- what the hell am I saying? Just cut. @_@;.'

ahahaha. What the hell.

Hanamitchi: Amanda, do your eyes hurt? *asks after a while of cutting a strikingly green paper*
Amanda: Not yet, but maybe soon.
Hanamitchi: Ah, darn, it hurts! I'm seeing all pink!

Then, when I was three-quarters done, it was already recess.

And Aja was at the door of the class.

Dun dun dunnnn....

Hanamitchi: o_0... *hides hands, scissors, paper and hearts under table* Afzan. How???
Afzy: *speaks discreetly while smiling at Aja* continue, continue.
Hanamitchi: Someone distract her la.
Amanda: *hides paper under table as well*. How la?

ahahahaha panic set in then. XD.. then Aja came into the class. lol, got worse.

Then, (maybe to distract her) Afzan hugged her and stuff. lol, I had my hands underneath the table. Couldn't seem to let go. =S ahahaha.

Afzan kept on bringing up Aja's duty. It was funny as hell. And to us, it was so obvious Afzan was bringing the subject of duty up just so she could get Aja out. ^_^ ... we smarty asses. We should get an award. XD. .. Aja, if you're reading this, see how special you are to us ;p!

Mel nearly let slip on the "surprise!"...

Mel: So Aja, did you see my message? I wrote two!
Afzan: =_=''....
Aja: ^_^???
Afzan: Mel... *gives the I'm-gonna-kill-you-Mel look*
Mel: Oh! *realises* Oh! Nothing, Aja! Nothing!

Lol, smooth move, Mel. Darn inconspicuous.

But all in all, it went well.

Then, during BM class (or was it Chemistry??), Afzan and Yin were fighting over Shane yet again. So, Mel interjected.

Mel: Ok, ok. So now, Shane officially belongs to Yin and Afzan. There, happy?

Absolutely not! lol.

Mel: Shane! They're fighting over you again
Hanamitchi: And again, and again, and again...

Shane just smiles. Isn't he just sweet?

Hanamitchi: Why are we-- okay scratch that. Why are you guys fighting over Shane, anyways? (insinuating that there are other better victims)
Everyone: *Silence* *No reaction* (doesn't listen to Hanamitchi)
Hanamitchi: Forget it.

Me and Afzan skipped Agama. Sorry ustazah! ^_^''.... went up to 5 Omega ( I think) so that Afzan can see her beloved secretary. So, we were standing out there, and heard Pn. Rashidah's voice.

Afzan: Hana, you tolong call Anis. I'm scared la.
Hanamitchi: Lah? Why?
Afzan: It's Pn. Rashidah.
Hanamitchi: Why me?!
Afzan: Please please please. Just call Anis.
Hanamitchi: Anis?
Afzan: Wan Farhah Anis
Hanamitchi: Hah? What?
Afzan: Anis. Anis. Just call Anis.
Hanamitchi: But I don't want to!
Afzan: Hana!

So we stood there, outside of the class, Afzan trying to get me to call Anis, me saying "don't want, don't want!"

=_=''... no idea why.

Then, a solution came up when Jules came by. So, I accompanied her in, and she asked to see Anis. ^o^ there you go! Mission accomplished!

While I was waiting outside the class, then I saw Zi Kang. My beloved HOD. Did mention what happened at Farewell?

He came over to me. "Farhana, my dear, let's take pictures."
And we camwhored.
Then he looked over and saw Mel. "Melissa, my darling, let's take pictures together."
Then, Jasmine walked past. "Jasmine, come come, let's take pictures!" he said.
When we gathered round him, he said. "This is my dear (pointing at me), this is my darling (pointing at Mel), and this is my sweetheart (pointing at Jasmine)."

*laugh my arse off*

And he took a picture of Dharr's legs. I messaged him about it.

My message:
Wah, Zi Kang! You took a pic of Dharr's legs! Lol, you're just hilarious sometimes

His reply:
I am hilarious, I am attractive. That's why people LOVE me. (I was taking the picture of an ant, btw)

My reply:
Wah, must've been a huge ant. Ever heard of zooming? XD You're a bad liar, THAT'S why people love you.

Zi Kang's Zi Kang. It's reason enough for him to be who he is. XD

His other message:
I'm not going to school tomorrow. You can give me back my pendrive on Thursday. Don't miss me. But I know you will anyways.

WTH, Zi Kang. Keep telling yourself that, and maybe one day your prayers will come true. ;p



Hanamitchi muahx...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Her bundle of energy who turned 16 today!


Aja dearest!

Happy 16th Birthday!!

There may be times you think we love you not...

But We Love You Lots! XD

ok, tht was cheesy. =S

I remember that time...

When you duped us into thinking your hair was cut short...

When for a fact...

Your hair was actually this long...

I remember that time, when you turned to me when you cried. (ahahaha, I'm making the fact public XD!). I remember those times... when u punched holes into my ruler... =_=''... (tried to get a pic of it for proof, but can't find my camera)...

And most of all, I remember the times when you were simply my bundle of energy. ^_^

We Love You Aja!!

Hugs and Kisses!

Pinkaholic? We love it.


September 4, 2008

My Fool, My Boo

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Those times when you stare,
And see nothing inside,
Perfection is bland,
You'll have nowhere to hide,
Should've fathomed fast,
What I feel inside,
Should've cradled close,
The feelings I hide.

That little mirror on the wall,
It lies in the dark,
No reflection, no light,
You leave no mark
Like little, little footsteps,
inch-deep in the snow,
You're vile, unwanted,
Your presence,
Best unknown.

So, hurry, go ahead,
Step out of my life,
You mean little to me,
You're nothing but strife,
Come the next, I'll be prepared,
You're not the first,
You're not the last.

Just know this, my fool,
You were never my boo.


Author's Note (A/N): You hurt me.

I'll be brave soon, I promise you.

You'd have killed me with your confusing puzzles,
I'd have killed you with the words I feel in my chest.


"Like dude, my voice's gonna go out."

As dictated by Faranza Syns

"Oh, but why, Farhy?" u ask.

=_=''.... Cuz I used the voice from my throat instead of from my stomach.

Darned choral speaking....


Firstly: how come so many people promised to give me reports on the probates yesterday, and yet all I got was from Mel T, Nana and Alia Zurina (and Afzan) only? Okay, people. start explaining. Sheesh, and you guys seemed so enthusiastic about reporting them. =_=''... Julian Yee especially. *Sigh sigh sigh*. All that I could get about Siddiq was :

  • "Kehadiran rollcall teruk"
  • "Seringkali kurang sopan dengan para pengawas"

Yeah. *scoff*. Being rude. Yup, he'll never get to be a perfect. Yup, rudeness. bad bad baaad disease.

Okay, I should stop dissing people.

o_0''.... Why am I dissing people??

Gosh, it must be that rain outside. Rheumatism?
(anything to get off the hook...)

Lol, it's not anyone's fault anyways. Sheesh. But thanks anyways to those who did give me reports!

Love You Lots!!

Secondly: Duty this morning was a bitch. Those 5 Berdikari-ians... ESAD! (for those who don't understand: eat **** and die.)

Okay... WHO did they think they are? Especially those 5B Chinese Girls. =_= I told one of them to move forward in line; there were gaps.

She just stared ahead, as if she had difficulty processing that bit of information.

So I stood there, waiting for her to move. Well, waiting for her to finally catch up on what I meant took long enough.

I seriously wanted to say "Wah, you're so stupid until you can't even understand English?!"

I am mean. I never said I wasn't. =_=''.... I'm just the cowardly kind of mean.

Then, I told one of the other
5B Chinese Girls (see, they're so special, they're capitalised already!) to clip her fringe back.

She slowly raised her head and looked up at me.

The way she looked at me was like she wanted to roll back her pupils but was too retarded to even achieve it, so she had to settle for looking horribly ugly.

I'm in bitchy mode. Get outta my way, or I'll run you over.

She stared at me like that for a long while, as if waiting for me to give in to her horrible-ness and scamper away like a scared pup. But I just stared right at her. She faltered a bit during that time, like she noticed revulsion in my eyes.

"If you were pretty, I might actually be blushing and look away. But you're so ugly, it entrances me."



September 3, 2008

First in history...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

yes, the first time I'm posting 3 things within a day...
I just suddenly feel so awe-inspired. XD
Scanned my computer today (well... tonight, actually) after I finished the probate report. No easy feat, that idiotic report. Mainly I reported on Ismail Azry. I feel like killing him now. Maybe I will. Where's that pen-knife? *looks around*
Ah well, leave that for next time.
I found a picture of my Tommy! Yay!

Isn't he cute? Well of course. He's mine. ;p

And a picture of my brother! Double yay! (It's friggin hard to find one... =_=''...)

He's supposed to be cuter than this. XD (insulting)

And the b-e-a-u-tiful cake Mama baked for me, my sis and Amira. yay! kudos for Mama! It amazes me sometimes how she can bake cakes so nicely...

And now, I am tired... and annoyed. My Tommy ran away from me. =''{

ahahaha. I guess tht's it for tonight. Gotta sleep and get ready for a round of yelling tomorrow.

Idiot Azry.



As dictated by Faranza Syns



Okay... for starters, I can start breathing. Yes, in...and out... in...

Oh, crap.

What now? I barely went on my "time and space" theory for a few hours. And I bet it feels like a few hours only to him, when it has been agonizing AGES for me. Oh my God, I pray to thee, give me the chance to be strong! ...

Nope. Nothing.

I have to admit.. I am kind of doing this to get back at him. He could take ages to reply to my messages. And so I'm trying to give him a taste of what he--continuously, without fail--dished out to me. So i suppose, I will answer his message in three hours time... at 10.30 p.m. maybe?

I am a glutton for punishment. So kill me.

Or Kiss me. Yay!


*Hyperdriven*... =_=''...


Coming Around Again... Again?

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Yes, many apologies for abandoning this blog. Bad girl, bad me. I've got commitment issues. lol.

Nothing much happened today, but a lot has been happening in my life. It feels like a whirlwind came, went, then came back all over again as if it missed a spot in my life that needed wrecking. My life could do without the wrecking, thank you very much, but I can barely stop this force of nature. Well, somewhat.

I know "he" is not going to be reading this blog any time soon, so I thank God for that. But I seriously do not understand what is plaguing his mind right now. I guess I need to give him a little bit of time, and space. He gets all you're-leaving-me?! whenever I bring up the subject of time and space, but I have a feeling I need some space. It just gets me downright irritated sometimes when guys have the I-want-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too attitude. And seriously, "he" is having a good time doing that. And now "his" conscience is being plagued by something that seems a bit trivial and simple to me. But it could be deeper; "he" just can't talk about it right now. "He" just drives me up the wall sometimes.

Enough chit chat! lol, I can't stand being maudlin for too long. Let's talk about yesterday, shall we?

Well, I didn't really enjoy school yesterday. ahahaha. i had to tell off the probates again. they didn't attend the meeting last week. only 8 of them came. =_=''... BUT I am quite happy. In a way. ^_^ .. I don't know why, but Pn Rashidah, our physics teacher, likes to pick me whenever she wants a question answered. And somehow, every time she wants me to answer her, I manage to unfailingly to say "err... i have no idea, teacher." Plus, she likes to ask me the hardest questions. Like the other day when we were just about to be introduced to Bernoulli's principle. She used the paper example, the one where you blow on it, then it lifts. Once she finished demonstrating that, she looked around. "Ah, Farhana! Explain in your words, what Bernoulli's Principle is."

I was like, crap... what am I supposed to say? I had no idea what the blowing and the lifting had to do with anything, so I kinda stood there like a silly girl, going like "err... i dunno." Those were the times when I regret getting into class unprepared with the subject of the day. XD.

But yesterday, she made an announcement that while we prepare our presentation on the Applications of Bernoulli's Principle in Our Daily Lives, she will ask random people about Bernoulli's Principle.

And guess who got to be one of the lucky ones? XD

Me and my group were preparing our presentation, then she approached our table. I (foolishly) made eye-contact with her, and like an eagle zeroing on its prey, she moved towards me, somewhat coyly. I was like aaah, why me?! lol.

So she said, "Farhana, I have no idea what Bernoulli's Principle is. Why don't you explain it to me?"

"Basically, teacher, Bernoulli's Principle is when--don't listen la!" I yelled to my friends who were listening in. lol. I felt kind of embarrassed to explain it in front of them, considering I was one of the not-too-bright students in my class. And considering the countless of times I said "errr... dunno." XD. so, once they laughed and resumed preparing our presentation, I resumed my explanation.

Surprisingly, I was calm, and cool. XD. lol, I can be like that when I want to, like that time when a stranger always came into our school in the morning, peeked in, then walked back out. But that's another story. So, once i finished explaining to the teacher using my own words what Bernoulli's Principle is, demonstrating it to her like she really had no idea what it was, she nodded. She smiled, then said "Good. Excellent job."

XD AH, THE EUPHORIA!! THE ELATION!! ahahaha. After all, I never seemed to be able to answer a single of her questions and now I did it so swell!

^_^''... It's funny how small things can make you so happy. Imagine what the big things could do.

We learned about epilepsy from our EST teacher, Pn. Yeo, yesterday. She's encountered quite a few of people who were epileptic, and so she told us her stories. It was scary in a way. If it were me in her shoes when her Form 6 friend who sat beside her got a seizure, pushing the table away, bubbles coming out of her mouth, tongue sticking out, eyes staring straight into nothing, I think I'd have frozen up and just stood there. But she said epileptic people needed help, and support. They wear silver coloured wristbands to show people that "there may be times they would need help". ^_^ I'm super proud of my Pn. Yeo. XD (MY PN. YEO. lol. I'm the EST Rep). She helps these people loads. ^_^

Today... I still haven't messaged "him". Giving him, space you know. Sometimes, I wish he could understand my feelings just a little bit more.

Hmm... and I gave Afzan my email so that she can send me another invite to her blog. She wrote my email down on her wrist (on that spot above your pulse that just makes me go *shudder*). BUT I STILL DON'T SEE ANYTHING. No invite no nothing. XD ... okay, okay, maybe I should wait it out a while. Me and Jules went to the loo together, and we were talking about our love lives and the people we were using to "cheat" on each other. Haha. She naturally had Gary and I had "him" and the "him" before him. Hahah. We don't know why, but since this year, we've both been more flirty than usual.

Ah... I once told "him" about me and Jules, and about the girls in class trying to steal each others' first kisses. Want to know his response?

"Are you a lesbian?"

I should cut off his head and make it into a memorabilia like the "Iban" people. You know, another successful kill. =_=''... how can I be a lesbian? Do I look like a lesbian to you?

But when it's all said and done, I kinda miss him.

Arrgh!! Gotta remind myself of my time and space theory!

Don't give out yet!!