Randomization of the Mind

Randomization of the Mind

As dictated by Faranza Syns

My cousins (and one crazy sister) seem to like chatting with me online, although we are in the same building, and just a few metres apart.


Marya: farhana, dekya suka kat awak!
Marya: piwit!~!~~
Farhana: haaaaa?
Farhana: pulak dah
Farhana: =_=''
Farhana: yer lew...
Marya: jaz: tadi dia tanya tentang kak ngah
Farhana: of course. sumer org suka aku. =_=''
Marya: hahahahahaahhaa
Farhana: haihz
Farhana : dia tanya, terus aku jadi kekasih dia eh?


At this point, I can hear them cracking up in the other room, laughing like hyenas.


Farhana: =_=''
Farhana: kalau dia ajak kawen agaknya aku dh pregnant la tu

More laughter. I had to bite my lip to stop laughing, myself.


Marya: erekk
Marya: eeee


Sweat-ness. My cousins are irrepressible. And rather incorrigible. And hyper. It's 1.45 a.m. It's understandable.

Ooh heck. That rhymed!

Of course.


You must always be as white as the clouds,
as blue as the skies,
Smile on, as if nothing is troubling you.

Take it All Back

Take it All Back

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Everyone seems to have their own obsession(s). Mine used to be the Corrs. And Darren Hayes-cum-Savage Garden. Now, a new name is deemed worthy to grace my list.


Big Bang!

They're a korean hip hop & RnB band consisting of five members.

G-Dragon (looks a little bit like a dragon XD), Tae Yang (has very nice vocals), T.O.P (or Tempo. Haha), Seung Ri (is the best choreographer ever ever ever!) and Dae Sung (is obsessed with Doraemon??).

And what more? They write and produce their own songs.

Hearts hearts!


Haru Haru (Day after Day)
by Big Bang.

Finally I realize that I’m nothing without you
I was so wrong, forgive me.

My heart breaks like the waves,
My heart wavers like the wind,
My love disappears like smoke,
Like a tattoo, it doesn’t erase,

I can only sigh,
In my heart, only dust builds up,
(say goodbye)

Without you I couldn’t live for even a day,
It’s different from what I thought, I’m living okay alone,
I call out that I miss you but you don’t answer,
My false hopes are now useless.

Who is that person next to you, does he make you cry?
Can you even see me or have you completely forgotten me?
When I worry I can’t go to you, I can’t even talk to you,
I struggle through the long night alone and erase everything a hundred times.

(Chorus)
Don’t look back and leave,
Don’t look for me and live,
Because I loved you; because I don’t regret,
Just only take the happy memories.
I can stand it okay.
I can endure through it okay.
Through this you have to be happy,
Day by day it fades away.

Oh, girl.
I cry, cry,
You’re my all,
Say goodbye...

While walking if, you and I, we bump into each other,
Pretend you didn’t see me and go where you were going,
If past memories keep coming back then,
I might go looking for you.

You have to always be happy with that person,
So that there won’t even be the slightest bit of hope.
Live well, as if I’m watching,
You’re always blue like the sky and white like the floating clouds,
You have to always laugh like that as if there is nothing wrong.


(Chorus)
Don’t look back and leave,
Don’t look for me and live,
Because I loved you; because I don’t regret,
Just only take the happy memories.
I can stand it okay.
I can endure through it okay.
Through this you have to be happy,
Day by day it fades away.


I hope that you’ll be at peace by leaving me,
Forget me and live,
Your tears will all be dry,
When the days pass,
If we hadn’t met it wouldn’t hurt so much,
The promise that we would be together
I want you to bury it in our memories, baby,

I pray for you.


(Chorus)

Don’t look back and leave,
Don’t look for me and live,
Because I loved you; because I don’t regret,
Just only take the happy memories.
I can stand it okay.
I can endure through it okay.
Through this you have to be happy,
Day by day it fades away.

Oh girl,
I cry, cry,
You’re my all,
Say goodbye, bye,
Oh, my love,
Don’t lie, lie,
You’re my heart,
Say goodbye.

*************************

I nearly cried watching the video. You'll understand if you watch it as well (Aja, you owe me one, so watch it. Afzan... watch it please? Haha). Oh my god, G-Dragon's reaction was so heart-wrenching. At least.. I think it was G-Dragon. Haha, I've just started. I still haven't been able to discern them precisely yet. Have faith, when I get obsessed, I get obsessed. ;p



Last Farewell,
It's time to turn around and live on.

Just Any Other Day

Just Any Other Day

As dictated by Faranza Syns

It's 30th December.

.......

OH-MAH-GOD.

I believe that one string of on-the-verge-of-blasphemy statement describes pretty well what I think.

________________________

To answer Bryantt's question:

My holidays so far?

Highlights of the holiday:

• Agonised over the finals exam results. Made a pact with my sister. Each of us will guard the postbox alternately. Apparently, my sister got her results and I'm just to lazy to go collect mine from the school.

• Gained Cheong E Von as an affair. Who knew beneath that veneer of strict single-mindedness there is potential for a very promiscuous woman. XD

• Went to Avilion in PD. Saw the most "public" bathroom ever. So open... =_='' (See post: Only For The Ladies)

• Went to Pangkor. Fell sick. Which sucked, because I couldn't even go to the beach. And then, I got broke since I shopped for souvenirs with a vengeance to make up for my inability to go to the beach. Got sick of fish balls since I ate them non-stop. It was the only palatable thing that I could swallow. Oh let's not forget that I got sick of the smell of dried-cuttlefish. A very interesting holiday. Haha.

• Gained H (initial used to protect identity, in case his girlfriend somehow reads my blog) as an affair. Our relationship is pretty platonic though. Can't think of him as other than a relation. Somewhat like what I think of Marc. I love him, but in a sisterly way.

Tarrant: Maybe if the both of you got drunk...

Me: .... (I can't remember what I wrote. I believe it was along
the lines of) And we'll both rot in hell together. Good solution, Tarr.

Haha.

• Went through a download-frenzy. I live on downloads. Full albums, movies... even games.

• Went to Penang to visit relations. Got sick again. Sad.

To wrap it all up, basically I've been falling sick, going to places that I can't seem to enjoy, downloading things and lazing my life away.

And let's not forget the main issue:

I did not study one whit.

I am dead meat.

_____________________

To answer Afzy's question:

Yes, I am sick. I've got a chest cold, and I can barely breathe. My chest feels really tight *ahem* and I can't stop myself from coughing. It's a deep, chesty cough. I can't sleep at night (since I get this crazy fear that I'd stop breathing in my sleep). I even repented before I sleep, since I was scared I'd die.

I've been staying away from Sims (Yay me!). But I've been watching people play Bully. ;p

Darn it, I'm coughing up a storm now. I have no idea why I'm online. =_=''

Anyways, it's nearly a new year.

At the risk of sounding cheesy... I wonder what the new year will bring.

No more sickness, I hope. =_=''

Of the angsty-love persuassion.

Melting to The Floor

Melting to The Floor

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Am somewhere else.

And at this place, tying to get a chance to use the computer is like battling a whole battalion of Seiyajins (Re: Vejiita-sei) and most probably all the Power Rangers combined.

Imagine you are 5.

Yes, it is tough to fight your childhood heroes. And it's just as tough to get a chance to even get near this darned computer.

_________________________

I was writing a songfic yesterday.

Tarrant: ?

He didn't know what a songfic was. I looked at the word and knew in a flash. And you, who have read extensively, couldn't hazard a guess? Tsk, tsk, you poor, poor thing.

The song fiction (a fiction based on the lyrics of a song, something along the lines of a fanfic, but with original characters and such) was based on Creepin' Up On You by Darren Hayes.

Kill me. So what if he's gay? He's one healthy, blue-eyed gay who used to be married to a woman. Ah, denial. I wonder if I'm gay. That'd be an interesting scene.

But never to come to life, sadly.

Will post the songfic soon. It's stalker-ish. That was the reason I chose the song in the first place. Interesting, no?

I'm going to research for a bit first though.

*grin*

______________________

Arrived here at around 2.

And Afzan, you know what you said to me? Something along the lines of "Chuck The Sims 2! Don't play it anymore!"?

Well, here, every single bloody laptop has the Sims 2. I think I nearly ran the other way, hollering and basically going stark raving mad when I found out. I'm bored. I don't need that kind of torture.

At least there's a Wii here. *grin*

Played "Bully" (bluekS Afzan) . And lookie! You can even be gay in this game!

... The main character (who was not-so-shockingly a guy) kissed another guy. If that's not gay, I'll grab Julia or Yin any moment now and ravish them (Aja's too delicate for that, and Afzan already swore to turn gay for me, so it's moot point. E Von's sensibilities will be, to put it simply, shattered).

Anyways, while I was playing, and watching other people playing, I seem to notice that my oh-so-comfy jacket was being passed around. And worn by different people every other minute. One said "Oh lookie, I'm a gangster!" while strutting around.

Possibly because I was playing around and acted as a gangster. =_='' My lesson in life. Kids these days take things at face value. Sheesh.

One wore it, claiming that it was cold.

....Yes, they just wanted a reason to wear the darned jacket.

*Sigh*

_____________________

H: U're weird... How can u get sick evrytime u step out of d state? Haiyo...

Me: =_="... Blame my sis. She was sick, now I'm infected.

H: Hey, don blame ur sis if u hv weak antibodies, ok.

Me: What kind of an affair are you? Next time, I'M siding with YOUR sister.

Yes, our relationship is pretty much like this. And he replies every other 30 minutes. Or one hour. *Sigh*.


Dive right back in.
Maybe you'll find that pearl you lost.

Burning Leash

Burning Leash

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I do believe... I am commitment-phobic.

But that's a discussion for when I "private-ise" my blog once again, to paraphrase a certain someone.

Haha.

And yes, I am glad that I Unprivate-ised my blog. At least now Laine can come without going through so much trouble. Many apologies, dear. I was having my monthly private session. It comes and goes. But I'm glad to have you back.

Somehow I doubt people will come clamouring back to read my blog, since they do seem to think I have made my blog private for good. But have I not told you lot? I am as fickle as a flame. Read: Shakespeare.

Nothing much happened today. Except that I spent a good deal of my time (half the day for goodness sake) clearing up the... horror... underneath my bed. Who would like to venture a guess as to what made up the horror 'neath the bed?

Junk from four years-- four teenage years of rebellion and romantic drivel.

I have not cleared up the junk since I was in form 1. Yes, do hazard another guess as to how much trash has accumulated within those four idly idyllic years?

Two huge plastic bags of papers.

I even wonder how it could all have fit under my bed in the first place.

I did not take a picture, no. It's... *shudder* ... too much.

I had my old stories there as well.

I cringed, and I laughed. They were rather silly. So silly in fact, that I didn't even hesitate to toss them into the bin. They had to go. If anyone uncovered them, I might have to twist, turn and basically burn in shame within my grave.

Some of them were rather impressive. Some were rather self-centered. Some ... barely had a plot at all. It was the sort of mindless crap spouted by a love-lorn teenager of thirteen.

One of them was too real, I had to read it from start to end. And out of pride, I praised myself at the end. But I suppose the reason is because the girl was losing her father, and I imagined me losing my father. Insufferable though he is at times, I can't think of losing him without feeling shattered. I just transferred it to the girl.

Sometimes it takes more than imagination.

Being in someone else's shoes is fun, amusing, and entertaining. But rather draining. People, don't listen to me. I'm writing gibberish. This is me on my blather-on-you're-an-author mode.

I wonder how other people do it? Write, I mean.

______________________

How far I've gone with TRYING to ... colour my picture. Without the necessary equipments.

It was t.o.u.g.h. I'm still suffering the headache.
And just to put colour on the clothes, no less.

_____________________

Random: I wonder if I'm gonna yawn after this?


Ah, there. I yawned.

I am tired. And my brother is singing at an annoyingly off-pitch -- and agonisingly high -- voice. I need to retire. Afzan, you can have my brother if you want. He is all yours.


Just a picture to torture Tarrant. And to amuse Amanda:

Nora Roberts.
These are just 1/4 of the whole thing, you know.
I'm just too lazy to take out the others from my chests.

You might not like her, Tarr. But I do. BluekS.

The leash you wanted to put around me?
I'll bite your hand off.

Salivary Exchange.

Salivary Exchange.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I just shoved many, many slices of Mr. Potato Crisps into my mouth and washed it down with a whole gulp of F&N's Strawberry carbonated drink.

Someone, slap me quick, because I feel I've slipped into blissful ignorance.

How can someone eat snacks and drink carbonated drinks at this un-Godly hour of the night? Granted, for some, 10 p.m. is merely the beginning of the night, but for boring old me, it's pretty much downhill starting 10 p.m. Unless I'm doing... productive stuff. *wink wink*

Ever since we came back from Pangkor, the refrigerator seems to be producing a never-ending supply of carbonated drinks. Just yesterday, I finished a whole bottle of rootbeer. Before you drop your jaw in awe, let me put forth the fact that I drank bit by little bit. For four days, no less. So the amount of sugar consumed per day was not too alarming beyond the average.

Just chatted with the cousin that I tried to give the cut direct during Pangkor. He... is full of bullshit. But funny and entertaining bullshit, so I forgive him. Haha. It's the first time we've spoken beyond the typical 30 seconds.

And what beautifully funny bullshit he spouts. I've been miss-calling him for days on end, just to annoy him. The other day, he picked up, but I hung up. And laughed my arse off. He sent a message asking who I was. Like heck I would spoil the fun and tell him.

But once I chatted with him, eventually we eased into the subject and yes, he does know now, who the supposed stalker is. He was pretty amiable about it. We even pretended that I wasn't the person and he still didn't know who it was.

I used to think he was an idiot. Just because he didn't get much for his SPM. But after talking to him, I guess I found that he had a wealth of humour to share, and noble, beating heart to boot. He's a good guy, is what I'm saying. He doesn't show it, but I can see his life experiences hurt him, and taught him lessons that he was not wont to forget. In true cousin style, he tried to guide me about life, being very subtle about it, showing cockiness. But I see through the bluster, dude. I'm in this business longer than you. Haha. But I'm finding that he is a truly good man, despite his... supposedly philandering ways.

And yes, Afzan, he and my brother are supposedly life-mates.

_______________________

I went online, and found out that my latest affair was online.

After he suddenly greeted me and said he had to go offline, that is.

I was like "You're ONLINE?!". He answered tersely that he had been online for quite a while. Yes, he seemed pissed. Then, he said "bye", unlike his usual "Bye, babe." Ah, I didn't notice that he was pretty upset then. Sorry, baby! How was I supposed to know you were online?

And, granted, we don't really have much time to chat, do we? I'm sorry.

So I texted him, and asked whether he was really angry at me. No, he wasn't, he said. Awww. Haha. He was just a bit upset. And he wasn't sure why. But he was pretty cheery sounding. Oh, my baby. I'm sorry. We'll chat tomorrow, kay? You can tell me what's wrong then.

What the hell. I'm writing this drivel on my blog? This is like suicide.

_________________________

I wonder what French-kissing is like. Sometimes I try to imagine someone's tongue in my mouth -- not so savoury, but when I get in the mood, I can imagine it might be a very heady feeling indeed. That is, if my partner can actually kiss to save a life.

Can you?

Exchanging saliva... that's one humorously unromantic way of putting it. Saw that line in one of the books. ... Ew.

Saying I don't miss it all is too big a lie.

Side 6: Buff Nail.

A Deluge of Sorts

A Deluge of Sorts

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I am going crazy over "Magic, The Gathering - Battleground".

So skip this if you want to listen to my more sensible musings. God knows I lack it sometimes. Haha.

Maraxus, we suit each other. Ihsan's Shade, I love your voice. Err.. who else? Multani, I love the way you say "Giant Growth" (mostly because I always cast that particular sorcery on my Defiant Elves). Entorin, the way you say "Llanowar Elf" is just so inspiring.

Ok, I know I'm crapping. But MTG is one of the games I'm pretty good at.

Take Halo for one-- I always get skewered by the Energy Sword or the blasted to oblivion by the shotgun, or sniped out of the blue. But then again, I did "Run Riot" so it's pretty cool, too.

... Of course it's more than PRETTY cool! It's waaaaaaay cool when you go on a Killing Spree or when you Run Riot. *dreamily sighing*

Anyways, I went online the night before going to Pangkor. And found this very professional looking video at YouTube. Let me see a show of hands for those who play The Sims 2!

Not that I can see, but anyways, heads up: you do know that people do music videos based on TS2, right?

There's one video that is absofreakinlutely the best. Made by JayDee. Brilliant. Brilliant.

But then again, me stating it so baldly would not really drive you guys to watch it. Oh well.

__________________________

Was watching Fara (is that how you spell it? Ah heck. What do I care?) the other day.

Then, I noticed...

Me: Oh, she's gained weight.

Have you ever noticed how we seem to be able to pinpoint in minute detail whatever changes artists go through? (especially when it regards - God forbid - weight?)
A certain time ago, while in the livingroom, munching on snacks and watching the television...

Ma: Eh, she lost weight, la! I remember last time when she used to be very overweight.

It seems like artists' weight is a rather entertaining and a somewhat staple subject whenever the television is turned on.

I guess artists will just have to endure this, since they did choose this path-- to appear before the public, to become the paradigm of "The Perfect One". Perfect nose, perfect smile, perfect teeth (although our dental plan isn't that good), perfect pose. In other words, they have the duty to show us the true meaning of perfect perfection. Yes, a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

Society (although unawares) had stereotyped people in the show-biz: they must all be beautiful. If you see a fat heroine, wouldn't you cringe? What are the chances of the audience being captivated? 1 to a million, mayhap, if the heroine had a beautiful personality that endears her to the audience. But the odds are still too small. What are the chances of you comparing the hot side-character to the too-much-of-a-damper-for-erotic-imaginations lead man? "Eh, I like ****** (name censored for anonymity) more than ***** (name censored, because I don't wanna get sued) la. He's a lot hotter. HOT HOT HOT!" - How many times, pray tell, have most of you heard this when you walk out of the movies?

Countless.

But then again, we shouldn't entirely blame everything on the artists, should we? Blaming them for being not-so-flawless, and shattering our illusions of perfection is rather childish. And -forgive me for saying so- rather stupid and pointless.

But hey, we aren't anything if not human. So here I go, just last night, commenting on Fara's weight. Yes, we can barely stop ourselves.

We notice other people's shortcomings. We point them out. But when people point out our shortcomings, we bristle.

Imagine if a starlet walked over to you and told you (while you were still gaping at their oh-so-wonderfulness, and their glitter glam) that you were an overweight whale with a tendency to walk bow-legged.

Ouch. I'll rip that perfect mouth off that perfect face.

Golden rule, golden rule!:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

How we want to kill people who came up with these golden rules. Because ouch, it pricks the pride.

So... what should we do now?

I hate to be a stick in the mud, but...

"Tepuk dada, tanya selera."

Heck, how can you pat your chest and question your appetite? But I digress. That is off-the-point.

Like what the Malay proverb stated, we shall just have to make our decisions, and our own stand.

Tough to do, but we've gotta do it.

Life's a bitch all around, or haven't you noticed?


But tonight, let's just forget that, shall we not?


HAPPY X'MAS !

(To those who do celebrate) XD What the heck...

New Year's about to come around soon... It's moving too fast, but it's been a great ride. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Muahx mauhx muahx! To you, you, and YOU. Even you, you stranger.

It's a time fer lovin'!

And a time for me to pipe down.. =_=''



Too busy writing your tragedies.
Such boundless pleasure.

Just Somethin'

Just Somethin'

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Guess who?
Drool if you want Afzan.

Let's take a look at what happened, before too late.

Two Syllables

Two Syllables

As dictated by Faranza Syns

"I'm fine?"

You're definitely not "fine".

What the hell is going on? You go online, for one second, then say you're fine, and log off fast?!

Something is really wrong. And I'm feeling the pressure. It hurts me to see you this way. Come on, I love you, you know. I have this very, very comfortable shoulder you can use for crying. Or imagine using, anyways. We've "slept" together. I'm sure you knew how it felt. Warm and comfy, no?

Confide in me. Don't push me away like vermin. I've had enough of that. Please? I'm begging here. Haha. Pretty please?

*Sigh*

Just let me know... when you need me. Because god damn it all, I can't read minds.


What's the worst that I could say?

Punk-Core.

Punk-Core.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Pangkor. Punk-Core. What's the bloody difference? Someone from Pangkor should start a band named Punk-Core. The irony will leave us dying from laughter.

Anyways, we went to Pangkor the other day. It was a huge family holiday, organised by my Aunt Siti. ;p She likes to organise these stuff. She's one fierce lioness, but she does like making people laugh. Okay, on with the day.


Friday: (Day 1)

Slept at 3 a.m. Woke up at 7 a.m. Yes, only four hours of sleep. Very daring, considering we had a long travel ahead. But then again, I'm not anything if not stupid. So I slept late. We were supposed to set off at 7.30 to my Aunt's (Mak Ngah) house. So, imagine the rush.

Me: Jaz, you bathe first.
Jaz: You first.
Me: Just go bathe.
Jaz: Why? You go first.

Dad: BILIK AIR KOSONG! MANDI!

My sister skittered out and got into the bathroom. I won the minor skirmish. Or so I thought.

Dad: BILIK AIR BAWAH KOSONG! FARHANA, PERGI MANDI!
Me: Dang... Is there soap?
Dad: Ada.
Me: *Mutely walks down stairs*

The "bilik air bawah" is ... a toilet. The squatting kind. With a shower head. On the wall. Peculiar, but not uncommon. I know, I'm contradicting myself, but what the heck. I just don't like the "bathroom". But I bathed nonetheless. It took... 1 minute? Yes, when I'm not in the mood, I can bathe pretty fast.

And so, we left the house as soon as we could, and ate breakfast at a Mamak stall.

Apparently, my sister, Jaz, was having a minor but very physical spat with my brother. She ended up accidentally tearing off his skin with her nails, because she was pinching him a little too hard and he had wrenched his hand away. Hence, the torn skin.

And I just realised I forgot to pack my toothbrush. I packed my sunblock, but not my toothbrush. Pathetic.

Dad: Just borrow from someone.

Ew. One word. Ew.

At first I was reluctant. But since I saw he was pretty darned stressed because he worries we'll be late and stuff, I agreed, and said ok. Then I said, "I'll ask Ames to buy me a toothbrush then!" It was like a brilliant plan. They were nearer to Perak since they were at Penang, so they'd disembark later. I still had a chance.

Ma: Don't ask Amyra. You'll be troubling Aunt Siti.

Shite shite shite. Things really weren't going my way. And I haven't even told them about the sore throat that was really plaguing me now. So, like my usual sensitive self, I ate quietly and wondered why.

Thank god, when we reached Aunt Normah's house, we had to wait for Uncle Len to put fuel in his CRV. So, I ran like the very devil was at my heels towards 7E. Got my toothbrush. Yay!

And got a packet of lozenges, just in case. Haha.

Thusly, we began our journey Pangkor-bound.

That's when the sore throat got worse. I didn't tell Ma, because I know, when I get sick, and tell my parents, they'll start harping on about what I did. And parents, I know you mean to stop your kids from doing the very things that made them feel bad in the first place, but you saying "I-told-you-so" is just rubbing more salt onto the wound. It doesn't soothe them to know that they were stupid, you know. Anyways, I got a crick in the neck sleeping in the car. Haha.

Then, when we reached Lumut, we stopped at a Yacht Club. Typical of Uncle Len. He's into shipping. Very successful.

And so, us women who didn't need to go to Friday prayers were dumped at the Club while the men went about their business. Me and Kak Dee ordered tea. We thought it would be served... like at normal stalls, you know. But we got the whole tea set.

Impressive.

In the end, me and Dee ended up playing with the milk. Yes, pretty interesting things happen when you're bored.

Hung out with Imran, one of Aunt Normah's many sons. He's 13. And he's cute. Adorable. Very nice to tease. Haha.

Went to the restroom. Plotted with Dee to reverse the signs to the Men's and Ladies'. Haha. XD

*

Met up with the rest of the flock at a restaurant. Was starting to feel really sore, and tired, and in pain and you know... ;p But I put up with it. And tried to swallow down food as bravely as I could. I should get a medal for that. Checked out my tonsils at the mirror. Yup, red and swollen more than it usually is. Inflamed, mmhmm.

I'm so toast.

Ames' group went on first. They already had lunch, so, they went on the ferry first.

After forcing down lunch, we had to lug our bags towards the jeti. At the "jeti" (what's it in English again?), Dee, Imran, my bro, my sis and I sat together, waiting for our turn to get on the ferry. While waiting, my brother made cracks at illegal immigrant jokes.

Bro: *stands in front of Dee, pretends to write something on paper* Kamu tu Endon, kan?
Dee: Eh, tak lah, Encik. Mana ada!
Bro: Ah, jangan banyak cakap! Saya letak belakang bot, kang!
Dee: *Laugh*
Bro: *writes furiously on paper* Belakang... bot... Hah, tu! Belakang bot! Biar padan muka kamu!

Bro: *Stand in front of me* Kamu orang Gujerat kan?
Me: *stares drolly, lifting an eyebrow*
Bro: Gujerat duduk bawah kapal.
Me: Banyak pandai.
Bro: Eh, jangan banyak cakap! Apa pendatang asing banyak cakap ni?!

Yes. That's my brother. He does go far to entertain us.

We were laughing our guts out. And he seemed to have the misconception that I'm a cat, since he likes to stroke my chin while meowing. What the hell.

He's the same age as Tarrant, but at least he doesn't act as old as Tarr. *smirk*

Lol, you poor old man.

Anyways, so we got on the ferry. And I wasn't sea-sick at all. Probably because I was sleeping throughout the whole journey. XD. Tired la. And the place was rather comfy.

When we reached, once again, we lugged our bags towards and got two vans to cart us off to the resort.

It was... a ROLLERCOASTER RIDE!

We went uphill... and downhill! And uphill... and DOWNHILL!

Yes, and there were many sharp turns, as well. Enough to keep a sick girl distracted.

Me and Dee were enjoying ourselves. But when we got off the van, the first thing I wanted, was water. The second thing, I only realised once we got into our desginated room, the Big Girls' Room, was I wanted the bed by the wall. Yes, that bed was heaven. And I sank into it. And just as quickly, I sank into a fever.

While everyone was outside discovering the island, and the beach, I was on my bed, sleeping, trying to fight the fever.

I was in a sad state. I felt pitiful as hell. Because my two closest cousins, Ames and Fatin, were already talking up a storm. And since I was sick, I was pretty left out.

Now, that sank me into deep depression. So I texted Marc.

No reply.

Thought of texting Tarrant. Then realised he's at work.

Thought of texting Hariz. Then I thought I might not get a reply.

Texted Afzy, just to inform her that I was sick. Didn't really expect a reply, anyways.

Then, texted Aja. Thank God she replied. I was starting to feel really emotional. Sickness makes me preeeety vulnerable. She made me laugh and I felt okay, for a while.

But when Aja did reply, I started feeling tired all over again, so I said so, and slept.

I woke up to my cousins chattering. Haha, made me more depressed when I realised I missed out on a lot.

We had to walk to dinner. I felt so sick, and a tiny bit nauseous, that I really didn't want to leave the room.

Me: *calls Ma's number*
Dad: Yes? Farhana?
Me: Mmm... Dad? Are we going out for dinner?
Dad: Dinner? Yes. Why?
Me: Must I come too?
Dad: ... Why? Are you sick?
Me: (...he doesn't even know?)... Yeah, I feel... sick.

That's when I heard the not-so-distinct sound of him groaning at my statement. I felt really hurt. It was mixed emotions just then: I felt guilty for having to trouble people this way; and I felt hurt that my dad was taking my sickness like it was something annoying. It could be that he wasn't groaning, but I don't know. My pain-induced brain was saying it was him, but I just don't know.

Me: Tak pe la, I'll go.
Dad: *brightens up* You'll go?
Me: Mmmhmm.

I was fighting emotional tears then. Was shedding a pretty lot of them at the time. But, with the fever, and my new jacket, I braved my way downstairs.

I got a perverse sense of pleasure when Ma checked my temperature she told my dad that I had a fever. In an act of childish rebellion, I walked ahead of them, looking sullen. I guess being sick reverts you.

My cousin Et, was taunting me, because I didn't greet him. "Farhana sombong!" he said in a mock-whisper.

I stared at him, then turned my back to him. I could hear distinctly Imran defending me, "Farhana demam, ah!" But I couldn't care less.

I tried to force down food for dinner. Kak Zu (she's a nurse, I think) was mothering me. Sheesh. "Minum barli... makan ubat tak? pesan la *this*, pesan la *that*"

I was like... =_='' Ha?

I acted like a spoiled brat at dinner. Goodness, I cringe in remembrance.

But when I heard Uncle Len say "Makan banyak-banyak! Lepas ni pudding and ice-cream", my control snapped.

I was sick and they were having pudding and ICE CREAM?!

I got up, and walked over to Ma. "Can I go back now?" I whispered in her ear.

She was reluctant. And made me promise to call her as soon as I got into my room.

I got a bit lost, but found my way.

I was alone in my room. And I sank once again in depression. Then, my two oh-so-suddenly very close cousins got in. And starting going "Omg, that was scary! There was a guy who tried to talk to us. He was riding a bike and he had long hair..."

Yes, and I was walking alone, but I wasn't accosted at all.

Haha. That was how my brain worked then.

I slept at 9.30, I think.

I remember waiting for your text. Just one, to show that you cared enough to send me something random, to find out how I was doing. But that was too much for you to achieve, huh? Pity.

Then, I woke up at 12. And lay in bed, thinking.

That night, I thought long and hard. About me, myself, my feelings, my behaviour, my non-existant guy-girl relationship. haha. And believe me, I got quite the slugging in my head. It felt like I was mugged in my own mind.

It felt... like I've been deprived of my rose-tinted glasses and my black-and-white views of the world. Nothing felt, seemed or looked romantic anymore. I was changed in that one night.

Funny how sickness can make you find clarity within yourself.


To be continued...
(Mostly because I'm too tired to go on.Haha)


p.s: If you people hate my emo-ness here, so what? I'm just relaying what happened during the holiday. It gets better by the next time, I promise you.


Side 7: Shine Nail.

Sous Le Vent

Sous Le Vent

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Hah. I wish.

Anyways, since I promised Aja that I'd post up a picture of her souvie, I guess I should.

Souvie #1:

Okay. It's not much. And I took the picture snippety-snip. Now it looks like my bedsheets are threadbare. No, don't ask me what I do on my bed. It's private.

Description: It's supposed to be a snow-globe thingamabob. But in key-chain form. You know what I mean. There are teeny-tiny shells in it, and some impressive glitter. It looks nice. Now I'm starting to regret having to give 'em to Aja. =_=''

I took the picture just now. So, damn the low quality. Haha. It's hasty.

Souvie #2:

Ring and bedsheets not included. Ghahaha.

Description: Your bra, Aja. Yes, your bra. The ring is mine.

Oh, yes, the bra does look more enticing, no?

Tick tock, time to decide, Aja.

But of course, you can wait till when I bring it to school.

OMG, Farhana's bringing illegal stuff to school.

News flash: I always do. It's just hard to catch me. Ghahahaha.


I love the uncle who sold me the ring and the bra.

He gave me discount. Yup, he loves me. Hey, a 3 ringgit cut is quite a lot. 11 to 8? 13 to 10? 10 to 9? and 3 of 3.50's becoming 9 only? Yes, he loves me.

Imagine if I went there again. *grin*

I'm ... a shopaholic in the making. Kill me.

Other souvies?

I'll just give it to you guys when school reopens. ;p

Afzaaaaaaaaan. *pouts*.


My face, like a mannequin.

Say: tahn-suh-lek-tuh-mee

Say: tahn-suh-lek-tuh-mee

As dictated by Faranza Syns

That is the sound of tonsillectomy. I am seriously scared like shit that I might have to go through that darned thing, you know.

What is tonsillectomy, you ask?

It's a darned operation to remove your tonsils. I know, it's a small thing only. Just your tonsils. And the pain it gets me into is not worth keeping it for.

But I don't want to go through an operation. I have a low threshold for pain. It's not the operation I'm scared of. But the pain afterwards. I'm no brave tin-soldier. I bemoan pain like a squealing rat. I'm pathetic.

Right now, my throat is sore. I can't swallow without having to grit my teeth. And I'm starting to feel pretty nauseous, once in a while. And no, I'm not preggers, so get that out of your mind right this instant.

What I hate about my swollen tonsils (and yes, they are swollen all the time) is that when it gets really inflamed, I'll get a bloody fever. Lo and behold, I got a fever during my little holiday to Pangkor. If there weren't so many tourists to feast my eyes upon, I would've killed myself.

The last time I got my tonsils so inflamed, I wretched day and night, feeling awful. Even the softest (and most liquified) Maggi noodles felt like thorns down my throat. My face was super red due to high fever and I basically felt like vegetable.

This time, it happened during a holiday. To Pangkor. I felt miserable. Worse than vegetable. Because that one time I could actually enjoy being somewhere relatively NEAR a beach, my throat had to turn into a bitch on me and leave me bed-bound. And my ears... let's not talk about the agony my ears are going through.

Haha. But I'm fine. I think. Am getting better.

Afzan, you're making me worried. And the deal is still on negotiation. XD

And people.. I do believe I've acquired a new affair.

And it's a he. Nyaaahahahahaha. XD

I did this celebrity thingy. =_='' Last time, I got a different one. Nyaaahahaha.



TYRA BANKS?!

You big liar of a collage!

;p


Then I decided, "Oh well, let's try a Morph instead."

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Family tree picture - Geneology


LOL. It makes me look fatter. Haha. But I love my eyes. XD

Basically, it's Tyra's eyes. Har har har.

I must be really bored, doin this.

Here's another that I particularly liked.

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Roots - Antique photographs



Will update on Pangkor tomorrow. XD

At least the souvie picture for Aja, that is. ;p

If I were ever to be skinny.... har har. =_=''

I just discovered. Love isn't for me. Not the loyal and abiding love. Not the monogamous love. Not the love that sticks through thick and thin. Because when you get down to it, I change my mind as quick as I make it. Lord knows.

A vicious cycle hath never been broken.

So long, and Goodnight

So long, and Goodnight

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I finally felt guilty enough about my EdBoard work that has been piling up until I decided from last night, before I went to bed, that I would finish it up the next day.

And of course, I forced myself to do so today.

I got online first though, and put my Display Message as:

"Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .::"


Yes, I was really hell-bent. I even turned off the english music that was blaring away and turned on Siti Nurhaliza. I can't write in Malay when I'm thinking in English. It just kills the poetry in the words.

And so I wrote down the venue, time, and date. But before I could even start on the actual report, guess who thought to be a smart-arse?

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

And yet you neglect to put up the Busy status.

Yes, our dear Tarrant. He just couldn't help himself. And yes, I did forget to put up the sign, but I thought the threat was good enough. Apparently not for a guy like Tarr.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

ah heck

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

tsk tsk.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

=_=" u enjoy dying, tarrant?

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

I enjoy the experience of nearly dying,but not dying persay.

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

Not yet at least.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

ah

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

haha

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

now shoo. i can't speak in english if i wanna write in BM

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

i'm even listening to BM music =_="

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

begitu teruk ke?

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

aduh, memang teruk

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

tak boleh berfikir dalam dua bahasa?

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

aduhai.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

boleh

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

tetapi?

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

tapi hilanglah bahasa nan puitis di kala bertutur dan berfikir dalam bahasa yang berbeza

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

hahaha

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

*senyum*

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

hahaha

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

bahasa melayu aku sangat teruk la - tak dapat berbanding.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

*syukur, tuhan~*

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

kau tetap tidakkan dapat menandingiku dalam arena ini

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

haha

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

aku rasa begitu juga.

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

T__T

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

awwww.... janganlah dititiskan air matamu kerna kehebatan diriku

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

XD

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

ish. perasan aje.

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

haha.

Yes, I was pretty happy with myself. Beating the old dude finally, at one thing.

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

anyways, aku cakap dengan kau kemudian ok?

-Subpoena'ed- Woobles&Pouches says:

byeee

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

haha

Faranza Syns ::. Editorial Board work. Disturb me, and you die. Unless it's life-and-death. .:: says:

tata~

And so, I began typing away, and didn't stop (even to bathe.. yes, smelly me) until I finished all the reports that are due. And I lived happily ever after (and stopped blocking a certain someone. Sorry, babe. Haha)

The End.

This is what I call zoning in and not being distracted by so-called distractions. *Sigh*

Afzan, be 100% proud of me. And hey babes, the prize is...

If you lose, I want you to... whatever I tell you to do for the whole 24 hours. And if I lose...

Well, you decide. Haha. The negotiation is still on. ;p

The world was within his eyes. If only you could see.

Removing the masks, tending to the cracks.

Removing the masks, tending to the cracks.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Had the most illuminating chat with E Von just now. Very, very illuminating. Haha. Thanks for your support, babe. ;p

And I've accumulated another affair.

Welcome to the ranks of us promiscuous creatures, E Von. She's my 8th affair. One would think I have a voracious appetite. But no. She was miffed she wasn't included in my list of affairs. XD

Kisses to my 8th Affair!

(And yes, it's the Assistant Head Prefect, C. E Von.)

I'm listening to classical, dead-people music, due to an equally dead man, Tarrant. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. You know those horror movies where you hear the clash of organ keys that go so freaky? I mean, like... sheeh, just google the damn piece, if you wanna know which one it is.

I'm still all for Canon. Johann Pachelbel, you are AY-MAY-ZING.

_____________________

*Takes deep breath*

I've been having really... bad dreams, lately. Very graphic, and so not meant for kids.

Yes, there are... err... very adult materials in it. But they are gory. Very very gory. I don't know why I keep having these tyoe of dreams. Everytime I close my eyes, it'll turn into a nightmare.

I can barely fall asleep at night with peace. I'll have to wait until 2 o'clock till I can finally get a little shut-eye.

And heck, I've been listening to Disturbia since 6 in the evening. My mood's rather raw. Shite.

______________

Okay, shut Disturbia. I'm putting on Haru Haru (Day After Day) by Big Bang. Sweet sound to the ears.

This morning, was awaken by mom.

Ma: Nanti masak nasi cukup untuk semua orang. Panaskan kari, sayur dah ada. Nanti masak telur. Untuk lunch, tau.

Me: *groggily staring at ceiling* Mmm...

Ma: Breakfast dah ada dah.

Me: Mmm... K.

Then I fell asleep again. I seem to be able to do that: wake up momentarily, eyes wide, absorb relevant information, then sleep again for three hours or so. And wake up remembering each syllable like it had been played over and over inside my head.

Ma had a class for the whole day, and originally, my brother was supposed to go buy lunch for us. Then,

Ma: Abang keluar hari ni tau.

Me: Mmmm... ?

Then, she proceeded to telling me what to do.

While she was telling me stuff, I was weighing the wisdom of ordering McDonald's. Yes, without her permission. Then, as soon as she got up from my bed, I fell dead asleep, forgetting all else.

Then, I woke up. My bro was near my bed. Fuck, I seem to be approached a lot this morning.

"Please hang the clothes for me! Please, please , please!"

Ah. So he wants me to do his chores for him.

Me: Why? Oh I see. Ma told you to stuff, but you're wanting me to do it for you.

Ariff: I'll buy you Celcom RM10.

Me: Sure, you'll buy it for me, but you'll ask me to pay you back, later.

Ariff: No, I'll pay it myself. I swear!

Yes, although I come off pretty cheap, I still have my standards. Was thinking of raising it to 20, but my brother doesn't freaking work, so where would the money come from?

Me: Hmmmm.....

Ariff: Please? Please please plea--

Me: Fine, fine.

Ariff: Thank you!

Me: Hnnnnh.

Yes, this is the normal relationship in my house. I have to be bribed to do something. And he was most probably very late to see his girlfriend to actually result to RM10 to shut me up.

_________

She's planned it all. Just waiting for the lucky break. Then, it'll all be well, she promised.

"We'll meet there, fall desperately in love. Get rich, and get married."

If only things could go that way. I'm sorry it can't, love.

And here I am, writing this letter to you. Wishing things could be different.

But then again, life, is out of our hands. No matter how hard you have a hold on the reins,

It'll still turn, topsy-turvy,

Never an easy ride.

Apologies are paltry to your pain,

But forgive my sins,

For here I go, leaving you.

There will always be an end.

If only you'd understand.

I have to remove these masks. And tend to the cracks.

"I love you" are just words, part of the script.

They meant nothing.


-Cracks-



A/N: No, I was not emo when I wrote that. And it has nothing to do with my life, or my emotions. It's more of... Lucas' emotions. A character in my story that I'm currently working on. He's an enigma. Haha, even I can't understand him. Wrote that one out to further understand him, except it's coming out like he feels he's destined to hurt women. And he'll never fall in love. Okay, heck, I'm making him out worse.

I feel sorry for him. I mean, I came up with him, and when I explored him, he's actually pretty scarred inside. I'm so sorry, Luc! Through hell, or high water, I'll make you fall in love, I swear.


I'm so winning that bet, Afzan. Just you wait. And see. ;p

Sarang = love; love nest= sarang cinta.

What the hell?

Spending all of these days just to get over it.
And I feel just fine.

You and I share our share of obscenities.

You and I share our share of obscenities.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Good news. Or bad. Depends on how you look at it, I suppose.

I'm deleting some posts here. On this blog. Then I'm making it public again.

Yes, I know. I'm like a lalang. But I can't help myself. I'm a hormone-driven teenager after all (har har. That excuse works under all circumstances. =_=)

And by the way, I'm making my new blog (har har) private. I'm putting up a link later. I know, it'll be hard to keep up with two blogs. But the private one will be for ... a member of my posse only. Yes, my hand-chosen posse. Not the self-elected ones.

Anyways, say tata to my old, emo posts. Because that'll be last of it that you prying eyes will see of it.

Still deciding where I should post my stories. Well, that'll come later on, I suppose.

For now, enjoy the privacy.

Toodles, lovies!


__________________

laine. says:

aahhhh farnaaa tonight is prom. ;(

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

*gasp*

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

really?

laine. says:

yerppppppppssssss.

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

.... am i supposed to go "OMG! Prom!!!" ?

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

hahaha

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

u goin?

laine. says:

nope

laine. says:

nahh you're supposed to go.

laine. says:

erm.

laine. says:

awwww. it's okay laine. yee jin is an asshole for going to prom with another girl.

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

ooooh. ok. lemme copy and paste tht

laine. says:

let him flirt all he wants, because when it comes right down to it, it's his loss for letting you go.

laine. says:

HAHAHA.

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

awwww. it's okay laine. yee jin is an asshole for going to prom with another girl.

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

let him flirt all he wants, because when it comes right down to it, it's his loss for letting you go.

laine. says:

loooll

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

HAHAHAA

laine. says:

man you suck.

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

;p

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

ah fuck yee jin la

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

if i'm a nasty person, i'd say may he get hit by a lorry b4 he could even step into the place

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

and may he rot in whatever hole he ends up in

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

but i'm a nice girl

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

so i'll say

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

Laine, you're a wonderful girl

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

and yee jin's a blind arse who follows his prick

laine. says:

HAHAHAHHAH

laine. says:

his prick.

laine. says:

:/

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

lol, ok, maybe i should censor my words abit for you very innocent-like ppl

laine. says:

i am NOT innocent!!

laine. says:

i know what's a prick

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

HAHAHA

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

how relieved i am

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

XD

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

but hey, if he can't stick to you, and make you happy (despite his happy happy prick) you're better off without

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

i know there's a lot of crap out there saying love is about suffering

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

but if you aren't HAPPILY suffering, what's the frickin point?

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

so yee jin can cut off his prick

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

ok

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

censor tht

laine. says:

HAHAHAHHAHAA/

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

yee jin can rot in his own personal hell

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

and you'll live happily ever after with the man who'll make you suffer happily

Faranza Syns :: So what if I'm a womanizer?..:: says:

*grin*

Didn't anyone tell you you're supposed to break my heart?