July 10, 2009

I Dig You

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Oh, so friggin' amusing.

I was browsing through an Aunt-Agony site, and oh, I found one of the correspondence amusing.



Dear Prudence,
My husband works in an office populated by "alpha males." They are mostly former military men now working for the government. They seem to miss their uniform and wear similar clothes in blue, gray, and brown colors. My husband stands out because he wears designer shirts in the whole spectrum of colors. He is being regularly mocked by one individual in particular for his pink-toned shirts. I'm talking about subtle stripes, something any businessman might have in his wardrobe. He has told this man several times that he doesn't care for his opinion on his sartorial choices, but he keeps at it, and others are joining in. Their boss is a woman, and she does not "interfere with the boys joshing." The human resources department for his company is in another state. What can he say to stop these attempts to make him uncomfortable?

—Mrs. Dapper Dan



Dear Mrs. Dapper,
Unless this escalates and the office starts to resemble the hazing-in-the-barracks segment of Full Metal Jacket, your husband needs to deal with these bully boys himself. (That you're writing this letter indicates he could stand to work on fixing his own problems.) If he's shown any whiny weakness in replying to these alphas, that's the equivalent of telling the drill sergeant that push-ups make your arms sore. Your husband needs to be able to either laugh this off or shut it down. Which he decides to do depends on his personality. The next time the lead antagonist makes a snide comment about your husband's choice of shirt, he should look at him and say in front of the group, "Greg, every morning when I'm getting dressed, I wonder what you're going to say about my wardrobe. I've never had another man care so much about my clothes. But since you do, I'll let you know next time I'm going shopping. Maybe we can get a pedicure while we're at the mall." Alternatively, the next time Greg makes one of his comments, your husband should wait until Greg is seated in his office, then go in and lean across the desk. He should say something like, "You've now made the same joke about my wardrobe about 40 times. It's ceased to be funny and I'm asking you, for what I sincerely hope is the last time, to knock it off. Thanks." Then he should turn crisply, military style, and leave.

—Prudie



Oh, how I wish I could come up with those type of repartees on a daily basis.



____________________________________


We had debate tryouts today. A bit disappointing, but also a bit fun. Especially the part where Kim shouted at two of the juniors who seemed to have been playing behind me. I was seated at the long table at the front of the Multi-purpose Room. And so were the senior members of the debate team. Then, we had Kim do a mock-up of the tryouts to let the juniors see what we expected. And so, Kim was going on and on about the current ban on maids from Indonesia. And then, she paused, and looked straight at me. I paused.

"What are you doing?!" she snapped.

I sat still, resisting the urge to do a double take.

"GET OUT."

And voila, I heard the shuffling of feet, and saw two juniors leaving the room from the corner of my eye.

I stared at Kim, the whole time. And then, after a few seconds, she picked up where she left off. Apparently, the juniors were playing around with something behind me. Idiots.

The line between senior and junior seems to have blurred and they can't get enough of stepping all over our heads.

Anyways, I have decided. My new 1st Speaker will be just as adorable as I (it not more adorable).

And oh, did you guys know? I dig someone new now. *wiggles eyebrows*.

If he were 5 years older, I would totally hit on him. I will kiss him, hug him, and buy him flowers. What better way to scare a boy off?



___________________________________


It's actually touching how much some people try to convince me I'm not fat. Although some people have mentioned (albeit off-handedly) that I am fat.

I seem to derive a lot of pleasure from pretending that I get offended when someone mentions the word fat.


Situation 1

A: Eeesh, this stupid, fat *struggles with purse*--
Me: *gasp!* OUCH!

A: *blinks*... NO. No, I meant-- YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOU ARE NOT FAT, FARHANA.



Situation 2

A group of prefects sitting together at the gazebo:

N: bla bla bla... that FAT boy ah...
Me: HEY. Please! Shh. There're fat people here, too, okay.

Whole table: ... *looks around*

[after 20 seconds]

S: OH. Hey, Farhana, you're not fat, la.
D: That's just crap, Farhana.




Situation 3

D: Aish, this big, fat bag--
Me: ... ouch.
D: What?

Me: Fat. I'm fat.

D: FARHANA AZAHAR, I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU SAY YOU ARE FAT.

Me: Okay, let me rephrase that - a few months ago, I used to be fat.

D: Better. Although that's still full of crap.

Me: Haha.





Situation 3

In the Multipurpose room, the senior debaters were sitting, discussing our verdicts.

Me: What?! Ivan came for the tryouts?
Kim: Yeah. Why?

Me: When?!

Kim: During recess.

Me: Why didn't anyone call me?

Kim: We did!

Sheng: Yeah, we did! But what did YOU do? You HAD to be (a) Fat.

Everyone: *GASP!*

Me: *gasp!*


Mind, I just gasped because everyone did. I didn't even hear what he said.

Amanda: What?!
Me: *gasps again*

Kim: Sheng Rei!

Sheng: NO! I MEANT TO SAY A NERD! I just said it wrongly.

Amanda: But you must've thought about it!


By this time, I just sat down quietly, pretending to be reading Kim's notes.

Sheng: Farhana.
Me: *stares at notes*

Sheng: Farhana.

Me: Yes? *mutters, still looking at notes.*

Sheng: Farhana!

Me: Yes?

Sheng: Farhana binti Azahar!

Me: Yes! What?!

Sheng: FARHANA BINTI AZAHAR, LOOK AT ME. FARHANA BINTI AZAHAR!

Me: Yes! *looks at him mutinously*

Sheng: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!

Me: Okay.

Sheng: No, Farhana, I AM SORRY.

Me: Okay, I get it, okay?
Sheng: NO. Farhana, I am sorry, okay?
Me: I get it, I get it.

Sheng: FARHANA. I AM SORRY.


I think this went on for a while. Then, he started trying to convince me that I was actually big-boned instead.

Which didn't actually help.

But the fact that he tried was adorable.

Ah heck.


__________________________________


Me: *yawns*
Marc: Oh, what's this? Didn't get enough sleep?

Me: No.

Marc: Why? Reading your... books? *wiggles eyebrows*

Me: *stares drolly* No. I was busy doing something else.

Marc: Writing your... books? *grins*

Me: ... No, I was actually busy acting them out.

Marc: Oh, practicing for Bio next week, eh?


Mind, the Bio chapter we are learning next week is Reproduction.




You,
So lovely and precious you are,
Cherished as only you are.

4 comments:

Afzy said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA bodoh nye sheng!!
and MARC!! HAHAHAH!!

Faranza Syns said...

Gahaaaa, I know. Sheng's so adorable when he gets flustered. But anyways, it wasn't his fault. ;p

And Marc... well...Marc's Marc.

asyraf [= said...

mane shout mix doh?
da x bleh nak bwat onar~ camni ah ko ngan aku tape2.. sedih 5 menet jap

Faranza Syns said...

haha. Eleh, ko ni kacau CBox aku aje. xD Eh, tak rindu aku langsung ke?