If I Weren't.

If I Weren't.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Maybe I say the wrong things.

But I was unhappy.

I am unhappy.

But I appreciate you.



Ungrateful wench.

And...

And...

As dictated by Faranza Syns

... there I was, standing outside of the school with Mei Yin, waiting for Ma to finally come and fetch us home.

Aggravatingly, one name kept popping up in my head. On and on and on and - ah heck, you get the bloody drift, don't you? With that name reverberating in my head, I began to pace.

"Mei Yin," I snapped. "You're such a- " I halted. Knowing me, I'm sure the lot of you can guess what my most favourite crude word currently is. (in case you don't know, it starts with p, ends with y, and Jet started it.) "... wuss. God, I am such a wuss."

Bewildered, Mei Yin stared. "What?"

"Mei Yin," I spun around. "Why do you have to be so obsessed?"

"I am?"

"Since you're so obsessed with -insert name-, I can't help but be obsessed with the one person I should not be obsessed with."

The wench had the gall to laugh at me. "Who?" she asked. "Who is it? Is he the one who's the same age as us, or not?"

Appalled, I gaped. "Same age? Puh-lease, no!" Of course, I was thinking of someone else entirely. Who on earth would be obsessed over someone the same age as themselves? I mean, who, right?

Okay, maybe they're the species called "Normal Adolescents" but I seem to be an anomaly in all aspects.

"Wait," I stood before her, as realization dawned. "Who would I be obsessed over in Form 5?"

Mei Yin laughed giddily. "Oh, you know..."

"No, I don't." I paused. "Wait... Jia?!"

It's a revelation for me, even.

"No," Mei Yin stretched the syllable.

"Who? I mean, I'm obsessed with Jia's whiskers, but then... Oh my god, no, not Daniel?!"

"No, la!"

"Who? Oh my god."

"Kessler."

After this point, I don't think I remember my reaction. It was either I laughed very hard, or shouted very loudly.

No, dear, wrong again. There's only one person I'm obsessed with. And he ain't the same age as us.

One clue?

What is the melting point of beeswax in Celcius?

No, actually, don't answer that. It has nothing to do with anything. ;)

_____________________________________

In the Multipurpose Hall, I was sitting down with my skirt hiked up a little, focusing really hard on the Chemistry questions I was not supposed to be answering. It was supposed to be a Physics Workshop, but who the heck cared?

Then, out of nowhere (actually, from the east side), Eugene approached.

"Does it hurt?"

I looked up from my book, shocked. "HA?" came the indelicate sound.

"That. Your leg," he motioned with his chin.

"Oh. That," I looked away, sullenly. Seemingly embarrassed, I tugged down my skirt, masking the dark pink imperfection marring the skin.

"Why? What happened?"

"Hot water," I muttered.

"What?" he said, alarmed. "When?"

I stifled my laughter. Hell, hot water? I had a big birthmark, that's all!

"... I..." came the crack of a smile. "...can't believe you believed me!" And I burst into laughter.

And I didn't stop laughing for a long time, believe me.

Sure, Eugene was pissed off, but he forgives me. Don't you, dear?

What were his words again?

Eugene: I'd hit you, but you're too adorable to hit.

Thank you.





A few minutes later, he sat facing me, reading Gears of War. After a brief discussion of the book, we lapsed into companionable silence. Then, I noticed something else. People like him (Yee Ming, etc.) always regard the books I read condescendingly. (flashback: what's so nice about romance books? It's always the same old plots, bla bla bla.) So, it's only fair that I threw it back at him. I was pretty geared up for an intense discussion.

Me: Say, what's so great about Gears of War, anyways? What's the story about, besides gushing goriness?

Eugene: ... *too focused on book*

Me: ... *pissed.*

Eugene: ...

Me: Eugene.

Eugene: ...

Me: EUGENE!

Eugene: Huh? What?

And since Puan Rashidah conveniently entered the Workshop at that moment...

Me: There, Puan Rashidah called you.

Eugene: She did? *stands up and approaches Puan Rashidah.*

She definitely did not.

I made sure to wait till he was halfway there before calling out to him, "No, she didn't."

And guess what? I laughed my guts out again.

And Eugene wanted to kill me again.

And well whaddya know. He couldn't.

Eugene: You lied to me.

Me: No, I didn't. I just tricked you.

Eugene: YOU LIED!

Me: And you believe me! HAHAHA.

And it sucks, and it rocks,
And it's a bloody good time.

It's a Feeling

It's a Feeling

As dictated by Faranza Syns

We're leaving school soon.

It sure as heck doesn't feel momentous. I don't even care much if my parents are going to my graduation. Probably because I'm stuck in limbo.

Or probably because it just seems too anti-climactic, to graduate before sitting for SPM.

________________________________

We were attending the Kasturi Seminar. But unluckily, our prized spot at the front was nabbed by some other people. Darn it. So, we sat at the back. And I sat directly under the merciless blast of the air-conditioner.

Hah. Awesome.

And I don't know why, but I can't stop using the word awesome. Daniel, you prick. How dare you ruin my verbosity.

He was sitting behind me.

Daniel: *sniffles*

Me: *ignores him*

Some other guy: *sniffles*

Me: ...

Someone else: *sniffles*

Someone: Eh, shut up la.

Daniel: Eh, I cannot breathe la.

Me: Yes, you can. Through your mouth, idiot.

And Nurul burst into laughter.

Sometimes, I don't even have to try to be amusing. Nurul makes it sound as if everything I say is a punchline in itself.

Anyway, since I was so sleepy after Chem class, I crept away and bought some coffee during the short rest we had.

Daniel spotted the coffee.

Daniel: Oooh, Farhana, coffee! Come, let me pop the can for you.

Me: No.

Daniel: Thirsty la.

Me: ... NO, Daniel.

Daniel: Alaaa.

Me: Fine. But later.

In the middle of class,

Daniel: Pssst, Hannah.

Me: Hnn?

Daniel: *motions with finger* Coffee.

Me: ... I already finished it.

Daniel: What? Why? So fast?

Me:...

Daniel: Hannah, you owe me coffee.

Apparently, according to Daniel, the whole world owes him at least one thing.

I think we owe him his ... Nevermind.



Choose:
Hello goodbye, goodbye hello.

Burn Post

Burn Post

As dictated by Faranza Syns

If anyone wants to prank someone, please send spam/prank/bullshit to this email: esosaea@hotmail.co.uk.

I gladly laud your efforts.

pssst. Please do not redirect to this post. Haha.

Note to guys: please don't lie to us girls. The consequences are dire indeed.



Dishing out advice when you know you're in the wrong.

My poor punkin.

My poor punkin.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Updates for the week (not in chronological order):

• Nurul claims she's a lesbian.

• Daniel claims he's gay.

• My English is... atrocious.

• I'm wearing purple nail polish. My mom thought it was coloured henna.

• Gaik Xuang is currently leading in my list of Top Form 4's. Sheng has dropped to 2nd place.

• I think Ken is at 21st.

• The number 2012 means nothing to me but trash.

• Jia Xiang suddenly looks manly. Dear, please shave. You're giving me shivers looking at your whiskers.

• I miss (haha! YOU HIGHLIGHTED! CAUGHT YOU!)

• Had the most awesome Hari Kecemerlangan Kokurikulum ever. (mostly because I'm finally getting a certificate.)

• Managed to complete 75% of Paper 1 questions on AddMaths without checking the answers.

• Caught a cold, and coughing like mad.

• I stopped checking for his name all the time.

• Kye Li finally realises that I think she's pretty.

• Julia seems to have a knack at misinterpreting things.

• People still talk about my blog. Whoot.

• They misspelled Erin's name in the booklet. I have to laugh. Sorry, Erin.

• Petai sucks when you have to eat 2 of them. Raw. My mouth stinks. Thank you, petai.

• Am flattered that Nurul's mom is very concerned that I am breaking school rules. ("Nurul, Farhana's in trouble! She's sms-ing you from school!)

• Understood each and every joke of Mr. How's.

• Asked Daniel if he was going to "show" anyone his "private fireworks" after SPM. (he went "eww, Farhana!". He hasn't come into terms that I love teasing him.)

• Tried to pull up Erin's skirt. Nearly succeeded.

• Tried to pull up Dharr's skirt. Failed.

• Again, people are asking me what they should wear. Really, what if I'd said, "Go naked."?

• Promise: I will call you, Hariz. Come hell or high water.

• People said my 'Secret Ingredient' was the best-tasting. Considering we were supposed to make them puke, I don't think it's a good thing.

• I got over a crush that lasted for 2 minutes. And I'm proud of myself?

And I can't turn back now,
You've brought me too far,

For you.

For you.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

We walked miles and miles.

And we ended up buying nail polish.

Gah.

And Kye Li wore a dress.

Thank god she looked pretty in it or I'd make her burn the dress.



Run, run, run,
Even when your legs ache bone-deep.

It's not an issue.

It's not an issue.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Happy Birthday, you dweeb.

(bleargh.)

______________________________________

It's scarily fun playing cards with Kessler. I mean, we played a severely altered version of bridge. And apparently, it required us to have "eye-contact" with our partner. Ahem. Kessler was my partner (since we were the only newbies in the game and Amanda and Nurul just HAD to be with each other).

Our communication through eye-contact was... embarrassing. I had a Queen of Hearts and really, we could have won a set.

I shook my head at him to NOT disagree with the one card laid down.

He disagreed flat out.

I gave him a more vigorous, desperate shake of the head, begging him to not disagree.

He goes all out on disagreeing with the suit.

I was going to smack his head.

But all in all, we won three rounds out of six. Whoot! Not bad for newbies.

And then, we sat next to each other when we played Cheat, and also Bullshit. I cannot lie to save my life. Although, there were those times... but no one knew anyways. Gahaa.

Anyhow, Cheat was easy-peasy. Bullshit however, was a bit tougher.

Kessler won first.

But since he was too bored, he called someone else's bluff while knowing full well that they weren't bluffing. Hence, he was back in the game.

After winning a second time, he asked to play my cards with me.

He's the greatest Bullshitter ever. Seriously. I am awed.

We won after a few moves.

I suppose it's because he's very tactical. How awesome. I can't be tactical in some things. I'm a bit too scatter-brained.

But all in all, today was awesome. Stupendous, awesome.



A couple of years,
And you'll find out my name.

Fabio.

Fabio.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

One thing a girl who is studying does not need to hear:

Her parents flirting behind her. In Arabic.

Good god.

But come to think of it, it's sort of sweet. Imagine you flirting with your husband in Arabic while your daughter's struggling with her Add Maths just a few metres away.

Okay, a bit hard to imagine, since you've rarely - if ever- seen your parents flirt. I see it every-bloody-day. It's rather scary since your friends' parents rarely do so. Some have the most platonic marriage I've ever heard of.

My parent's are rather touchy-feely. Sometimes. Occasionally. Well, they really like to show affection.

... I think I can now justify my butt-smacking.

It's all apart of the love, dears.






You didn't just take those memories.
You stole them.

Manipulation

Manipulation

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Last night, I was bored out of my mind. And since Hariz has no credit (boooo!) I texted both Zi Kang and E Von.

E Von replied late.

Anyways,

Me: Jordan says you have a belly. You know, a "belly". xD

Z: Hahaha. What does that mean?

Me: xD Jordan was just making a point. He says he's a better Romeo to my Juliet than you are. Oh, and I think he meant something equivalent to a beer belly.

Z: Genuine love can stand the test of time and shock of adversity. Although we haven't been meeting for a couple of months, I believe that a century of time will just intensify our love coz it is made up of our truest sincerity. Unless your sincerity is fake, then our bond will be weak. N oh yeah, my belly is so sexy! Wait 4 me, I will come back. Ditch him!

I wet my pants reading that one.

I think Zi Kang's on a rebound. 19 months ago, he seemed like he had a stick up his arse (harsh, Zi Kang, but a lot of people thought you needed to relax). But now, he's spouting pseudo-romantic prose to his unceasingly amused junior. Tsk tsk.

I wonder if I'll become reserved one day.

Zi Kang made a transformation from Oxford-bound Preppie to I-Sleep-Around Mr Lothario.

Me, Modern-Day Jezebel to Self-Proclaimed Virgin?

Tsk, how our emotional upheavals manipulate us.



I know you tried to play the good girl.

Through all this, you have to be happy.

Through all this, you have to be happy.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

Oh god, it's like rebound binge-eating.

You starve yourself, and then get back on track with Snickers and Mars bars. And heck, you gain that extra pound again and then you beat yourself up. And then you grab another bar to console yourself.

It's a wonder I haven't had a heart attack yet.

No, I wasn't actually going to talk about food.

I was going to talk about this obsession of mine.

But it's too embarrassing, so I won't.

God, I need some Skittles.

___________________________

I've decided not to let my blog die, so I'll occasionally drop by and publish a bout of senseless ranting or two. But of course, there will be prolonged periods of silence. Rest assured, I will be back within two weeks or so. My dad/ ma/ relative and or stranger-whom-I-don't-know-but- somehow-she/he-seems-to-know- that-I-have-SPM-soon had most probably freaked me out with the well intentioned, but really not a smart move at making small-talk questions below:

1. So, how was the SPM Trials?
2. So, are you prepared?
3. So, when IS SPM?
4. Which subjects are you taking?
5. Wait, HOW many A's are you aiming for?
6. What are you going to do after SPM?
7. Applied for scholarships?
8. Any B's for trials?
9. How many days to SPM?
10. So, straight A1's, hmmm?
    

Or the great mother, almighty killer or all appetites:

Don't worry. You're a smart girl. We're all depending on you. Score straight A1's for SPM!
Here, have some rice.

What an awfully weird way to make me feel relaxed, must say.


Anyways, if I am silent, I'm most probably tearing my hair out studying. Or researching Psychology degrees and programmes offered here. Wish me luck, will you?

I will be back. Promise. Pinky promise.

Oh. And it's amusing how my table at the Fourth Floor Art Classroom suddenly became the "peaceful" table.

We're coming over to your table to study, Cat said. We're looking for peace.

Probably because I spend most of my time bent over Add. Maths, too.




Because for some blasted reason,
I don't feel like breaking anymore hearts.

Never too late, too late, too late.

Never too late, too late, too late.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I can say circumstances bind me.

I can say insecurities hold me down.

I can smile wistfully and say,

"It's my lot - not much I can do."

But I can stomp my feet and say,

To hell with you.



Faranza Syns, 40 days to SPM,
4 days to disaster.

Because I'm gonna make you feel so good, one day.

After that Night

After that Night

As dictated by Faranza Syns

I like you.

But can we wait till after SPM?

Can't tell you how much I love that line. Despite the fact that it has nothing at all to do with me.

I think I'll write a piece on that. After SPM, of course.

Ha.



And I sabotaged my own.