I think I'm sarcastic/ witty/ fantabulous/ scrumptilicious enough for the both of us.
As dictated by Faranza Syns
To be completely honest, the thought of me and shopping skipping hand in hand, gazing lovingly into each others eyes and just relishing every breathing moment we spend with each other is just so baffling and outrageous, I tend to gape at the notion. Gape, blink, and snort disbelievingly.
But to my endless amazement and surprise, today, I did. It was... (oh God, sappy moment -- here it comes!) ... wonderful.
Yes, I, Clothes-shopping Evader Extraordinaire, actually didn't have an emotional breakdown while shopping. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much, my feet hurts. In an omg-is-that-a-warm-glow-in-my-eyes good way.
I started off with those awfully baggy clothes. And up till now, I never realised how self-demeaning and self-defeating it is to underestimate your body. I mean, I wore the most embarrassingly unflattering clothes. I know I've been losing weight (and I admit, guiltily, gaining some back, but I lost them again real quick, I swear) but I never really quite believed that I've slimmed. Even if just a bit. I see the difference, but I've never really felt completely satisfied. I keep feeling like it's not good enough. And good good, a shopping session at the wrong store that one day a few weeks ago pretty much blew my confidence all the way to Utah. (I only used Utah because Delci's there, and she's pretty far away. Hey, Delce!)
So, back to where I was. Mom, me and my youngest sister went to Jusco to finalise our Eid shopping. As soon as we reached the Women section, mom ditched me and took my sister to the Kid's. I tried not to panic. I mean, usually, I'd spend this time uselessly pining away for those beautiful clothes I'll never, ever fit into. And really, I realise how pathetic it is. Believe me. I'd either fawn over how beautiful a blouse is, or try not to look at the clothes too long in case people thought "Geez, that girl wants to fit into that?"
Yes, yes, I realise. I have a severe case of insecurity and a self-condemning level of self-confidence. But somehow, today, I grabbed that scary and intimidating and gratingly loud Hellequin (black-faced emissary of the devil) in my head and just shoved its head under a pile of corsets. And I started dressing up.
Who knew...?
Who actually knew I could fit into those clothes?
GOOD GOD.
Haha.
After years of telling myself I love ME, I'm finally able to not lie and say I wholeheartedly love myself.
I do now.
God, so what if I'm fat? I can fit into a size L of Scarlet (and not Scarlet PLUS, yay!).
And I feel awesome.
note: I removed the pictures, but since someone wanted me to put it back on... (and since it's a friend I know in real life, and not some phyched-out stalker...)
_________________________________
Me and Ma went to look at handbags (okay, big lie. I went to look at handbags, not her.)
And then, after much begging, grovelling and begging, I persuaded Ma to allow me to buy one Polo Benedetti Creations.
I shortlisted two of them. One was black and white with criss-crossing stripes while the other was silvery-grey white with lettering. The latter won out, and so, we moved on to the lingerie section. After much deliberation, we got out purchases and went to the counter.
The Ma spotted something. She nudged me.
"If you'd bought the other bag just now, you could wear it with that."
She pointed.
I looked. Stared.
This is what she pointed out to me.
My Ma says the most wonderfully shocking things at times.
And somehow, the thought of wearing that bra with the other handbag really appealed to me.
Thank you so much, Ma. Really.
Y.O.U
No one else.
But to my endless amazement and surprise, today, I did. It was... (oh God, sappy moment -- here it comes!) ... wonderful.
Yes, I, Clothes-shopping Evader Extraordinaire, actually didn't have an emotional breakdown while shopping. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much, my feet hurts. In an omg-is-that-a-warm-glow-in-my-eyes good way.
I started off with those awfully baggy clothes. And up till now, I never realised how self-demeaning and self-defeating it is to underestimate your body. I mean, I wore the most embarrassingly unflattering clothes. I know I've been losing weight (and I admit, guiltily, gaining some back, but I lost them again real quick, I swear) but I never really quite believed that I've slimmed. Even if just a bit. I see the difference, but I've never really felt completely satisfied. I keep feeling like it's not good enough. And good good, a shopping session at the wrong store that one day a few weeks ago pretty much blew my confidence all the way to Utah. (I only used Utah because Delci's there, and she's pretty far away. Hey, Delce!)
So, back to where I was. Mom, me and my youngest sister went to Jusco to finalise our Eid shopping. As soon as we reached the Women section, mom ditched me and took my sister to the Kid's. I tried not to panic. I mean, usually, I'd spend this time uselessly pining away for those beautiful clothes I'll never, ever fit into. And really, I realise how pathetic it is. Believe me. I'd either fawn over how beautiful a blouse is, or try not to look at the clothes too long in case people thought "Geez, that girl wants to fit into that?"
Yes, yes, I realise. I have a severe case of insecurity and a self-condemning level of self-confidence. But somehow, today, I grabbed that scary and intimidating and gratingly loud Hellequin (black-faced emissary of the devil) in my head and just shoved its head under a pile of corsets. And I started dressing up.
Who knew...?
Who actually knew I could fit into those clothes?
GOOD GOD.
Haha.
After years of telling myself I love ME, I'm finally able to not lie and say I wholeheartedly love myself.
I do now.
God, so what if I'm fat? I can fit into a size L of Scarlet (and not Scarlet PLUS, yay!).
And I feel awesome.
note: I removed the pictures, but since someone wanted me to put it back on... (and since it's a friend I know in real life, and not some phyched-out stalker...)
_________________________________
Me and Ma went to look at handbags (okay, big lie. I went to look at handbags, not her.)
And then, after much begging, grovelling and begging, I persuaded Ma to allow me to buy one Polo Benedetti Creations.
I shortlisted two of them. One was black and white with criss-crossing stripes while the other was silvery-grey white with lettering. The latter won out, and so, we moved on to the lingerie section. After much deliberation, we got out purchases and went to the counter.
The Ma spotted something. She nudged me.
"If you'd bought the other bag just now, you could wear it with that."
She pointed.
I looked. Stared.
This is what she pointed out to me.
My Ma says the most wonderfully shocking things at times.
And somehow, the thought of wearing that bra with the other handbag really appealed to me.
Thank you so much, Ma. Really.
Y.O.U
No one else.
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