June 20, 2010

They Mentioned Your Name.

As dictated by Faranza Syns

It never really occurred to me what my family's latent response to me studying English would be. I suppose it was no big deal - something that would not make ripples, much less waves - that I am studying English. Heck, I've been studying English since I was in preschool, so going to college to study English felt almost... normal.

But yesterday, I got the first indication that my family really feels the impact of me doing BEN at IIUM (Bachelor of English).

We were all going out for dinner with my relatives. While everyone was getting ready to drive over to the restaurant, one of my cousins, Abang Arnez, walked over and charmingly reminded dad about where we were all headed to (since his parents are the ones who planned the outing). As he walked away, I admired his profile and smiled. Abang Arnez was such a good guy, you can't help but want to give him a huge bear hug. He was so unlike my other male cousins that even my sister could not help but comment.

Jaz: Abang Arnez is a good example.
Me: Mmmhmm.
Mama: What? (she didn't catch it because my sister mumbled)
Jaz: Eh, no, nothing.
Me: Just say it out loud. Jaz said that Abang Arnez is a good example.
Mama: Yes. He is.
Me: Yes, yes. *nods enthusiastically*
Mama: Very dependent.


It struck me as odd. Being dependent meant that he was dependent on people to survive. That he needed help consistently. Which could not be further from the truth.

Me: You mean, independent?
Mama: No, dependent.
Me: Oh, you mean dependable?


There was a general moment of 'Aha, yes, that's the word' in the car, then Mama laughingly turned and said "I'm the mother. You keep quiet."

Dad then said something along the lines of, "We have a pro in here now."

It clued me in that in their head, I'm most probably very, very good at English, just because I'm doing BEN now. But to be most truthful, I think I'm still the same as before. I do correct people's English occasionally - it's what I've been doing for years. Yet somehow, the knowledge that I am one day going to pursue a degree in English - the fact that I've narrowed down my studies to just learning English - would make people somewhat intimidated, or a bit defensive with me when I correct them. Like I know too much, and I'll find all their faults, and bring them down. A few months back, they would not have put too much weight on my off-hand correcting habits, but now it seems the impact of my correcting people are just increasing two-fold.

I don't want people to be too intimidated by me. It's bad.

And to be really honest, I'm a bit scared that even my family will think that I'm full of myself, when it's the last thing I want to be.

I'm still me, despite BEN.

1 comments:

Amyra said...

<3 <3 abg Arnez~ :D